I'd Know You Anywhere
by MaeCullen17
Summary: It's been 6 years since Edward left Bella in New Moon. She & Jacob are still friends but she starts to think that she wants more...until she sees someone from her past in a picture from opening night. I won't be continuing this story. My apologies.
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

It's been 6 years. It's been 5 years since I last spoke his name. A million tears and one giant heartache later, I'm in Seattle joining a friend in becoming part-owner of a night club. It's not really my dream job. I went to college for English in hopes of becoming a writer, but it's not so easy to get anything published. I can't bring myself to publish the only story I deem worthy. It's the story of how I met the only man worth giving my love to, and how he left me. I'm not ready to have the public read what they would think is a "fictional" story when, in reality, is the happiest & most traumatic memories I've had in my 24 years of living. So, here I am. My friend, Samantha, and I bought a loft and moved in yesterday. She already owns the club. It was given to her when her father passed last year. We've had a lot of fun bringing it up to code for this century and are finally having a huge opening party tonight.

"Yo, Bella!! Did you pick up all the decorations for tonight??" Samantha was doing all the important paper work. I was pretty much there to help the place run smoothly and, to be honest, just make money.

"Yeah! I'm working on getting them up now. Jake is coming in a few minutes to help out." I am very pleased that Jacob and I have remained close friends over all these years. And, if I'm being completely honest, I've been thinking about him as more than a friend. I'd never tell him, of course. I'm afraid that my feelings for Jacob are a little more X-Rated than they should be. It's just so hard think about Jacob in a 'G' rated manner when his big muscles, handsome face, and award winning smile are practically being thrown my lap.

With the vampires out of the area, Jacob has gotten a little more mature. He's still a kid at heart, but that's just Jake. His body, however,…_damn_. I know Jacob has feelings for me…always has, but I haven't moved on since…well,…no other man has ever been as perfect for me. It's just really hard to put anyone on the pedestal that I had…him on. Celibacy has been my life. I'd fooled around with a few guys in college, but nothing major. In all medical terms, I'm still a virgin. _Yay…_

I paused mid-thought when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. "Hey, Bells!!" My Jake lifted me off the ground and spun me in a circle.

"Hey, Jake." I laughed. "What took you so long? We don't have much time." I started handing him some balloons to fill with helium.

"What's the hurry? It's only 4 o'clock. We don't open the door until 9." He took a seat on one of the bar stools and started blowing up the balloons.

"Well, you might be dressed for the night, but I have to change." I pointed at my outfit and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"I happen to think you look great." He winked at me.

"You're biased." I smiled back. "Keep filling balloons, I'm going to go put the banner up inside the door. Thanks for helping out, Jake." I grabbed a pair of scissors for the rope and walked away.

"Sure, sure." I could practically feel the smile in his words. He truly is a great friend.


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

It's 8 o'clock and people are lined up around the block to get into the club. We've been closed for 4 weeks and it seemed like all of Seattle was outside.

"We READY???!!!" Samantha strutted through the door in our private lounge and popped open a bottle of champagne. She was wearing a little black halter dress with hot pink stilettos. Her blonde hair was in a perfect ponytail with a pink flower in it.

I was sitting on one of the couches making sure I had full battery power in my camera. I've taken pictures of everything in the last 6 years…wanting solid memories of anything happy that happens to me.

I just popped in the batteries when I heard a cat call from the door.

"Ow Ow!! Damn, Bella." He came over and gave me a pink rose. "I gotta say,…you look pretty sexy." He kissed my forehead and sat down beside me.

"Gee, thanks for making me blush, Jake." I dropped my head to stare down at my lap. I was wearing a yellow dress that had a band just under my breasts. Little jewels lined the band and my straps. The dress fell just above my knees and I had on strappy gold heals. I have really been paying more attention to my wardrobe. I didn't want to feel like the shabby sidekick to Samantha. She always looks great.

We all wondered into the main room by one of the bars and watched as the bouncers let people in. It was like a flood of beautiful people. We didn't discriminate in our bar. Anyone was allowed in before we met capacity as long as they weren't causing trouble. It looked like it was going to be a great night.

Jake and I started dancing after awhile. We heard, "Cyclone" come on and he grabbed my hips and led me to the dance floor. He kept one of his firey hot hands on me as we danced. I took a few opportunities to snap some pictures of him, us, and Samantha. She had a guru of guys around her offering to buy her drinks. She let them even though we got our drinks for free. As long as we were making money for the club, she was letting them buy. I knew the alcohol was starting to hit me. Usually, I wasn't so uninhabited when I was dancing… Usually, I wasn't dancing at all.

"You know, I probably shouldn't be drinking so much when I have to close this place tonight!!" I was laughing and dancing like an idiot, I'm sure.

"Nah! You've got Samantha to help with that!" He glanced over at Sammy who had 3 guys practically drooling on her. "But, she may end up leaving with Bachelors 1, 2, and 3."

"Oh, no!! She's not leaving me here by myself! That's not a partnership!" I started to get nervous.

"Relax, Bells. I'll be here all night. If she leaves, I'll help you close up. Now,...dance." He spun me around so that my backside was pressed up against him and started grinding into me with the change of music. _Wow…focus, Bella._ His hands were firmly gripped on my hips and I was sure I felt something hard rubbing against my back. _He just has to be so much taller than I am. _

I felt a hot breath against my ear as he sighed and gripped my hips harder. He grabbed my drink out of my hand and placed it on the bar.

"Don't want you to spill it all over your dress. I know how clumsy you can be." He smiled down at me from just inches away and started dancing again…face to face.

"You know me too well." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kept dancing.

The night went off without a hitch. We closed the doors at 3 and instead of cleaning up then…we decided to go home and clean up the next day around noon. That would give us plenty of time to get things clean before we opened again tomorrow night.

Samantha, Jake, and I locked up the doors to the club with a couple of our bouncers and walked out to our cars. I had just pulled my keys out of my purse when…

I don't think so, dear!" Jake grabbed my keys out of my hands. "I'm driving you home. You are in no condition to drive." He started directing me to his car.

"I'm not leaving my car here, Jacob! Someone might steal it!" I stopped in my tracks and practically yelled at him.

"Fine. We'll drive your car and let my precious baby that I've built from scratch in the parking lot so someone can steal IT." He started sulking and heading towards my car.

"Come on." I grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards his car. "You're such a baby." He just smiled and we got in his Rabbit.

We turned the music up and sang and danced in our seats most of the way home. Surprisingly, I wasn't very tired. I needed time to wind down after this fun night. Besides that, my buzz really hadn't worn off yet. I stopped mid-lyric to one of my favorite songs when felt my phone vibrate. I searched my purse to find it.

"Hmm." I started. "Looks like Sammy is going home with Bachelor number 3. She just sent me a message that she wouldn't be home tonight…" My face fell. We'd barely moved all of our stuff in and she'd already abandoned me to stay with a guy. It's not that I minded…I wasn't big on the whole "girlfriends" thing. The truth is, I don't want to spend the night alone. It's kind of scary being by myself. I've never been comfortable being alone…not with knowing what's out there.

"What's the matter?" Jake must have sensed my fear.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I lied. I didn't want to seem like a weak girl in front of him.

"You're lying."…He put his hand over mine on my leg and shook it. "Come on, Bells. What's up?" He left his hand there.

"It's nothing, really. I just…" I sighed, "I'm afraid to sleep alone." I made a nervous laugh.

He didn't say anything. He just sat there with his hand on mine and kept driving. The silence was eating at me. I just though…at least he isn't laughing.

We pulled up to the apartment and parked his car. He shut the engine off and squeezed my hand. He looked right into my eyes and said, "I'll stay if you want me to."

I desperately wanted to say, _'It's okay, Jake. I'm not a huge baby. I'll be alright by myself.' _ But, I couldn't being myself to say it. I couldn't being myself to say anything. He pulled his hand off of mine and sighed.

"I'm staying. You don't have to say it out loud." He got out of the car and opened my door for me. There was an old elevator inside that made a lot of noise. It was the kind with the cage door. We didn't speak to each other the entire ride up. He just kept staring at me.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Nothing." He looked back and opened the door to the loft. "Whoa…cool digs." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thanks. You really don't have to stay if you don't want to. I'm sure I'll survive a night alone in my own apartment." I threw my purse down on one of the chairs.

"No, no. I'm staying. You don't have a choice anymore. This couch looks…" He sank into the cushions on our plush sea green couch. "Oohhh….I'm staying." He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

"Okay." I laughed. "I'm sorry you don't have anything to wear."

"Oh, I got it covered." He jumped up and stripped off his shirt and started to unbutton his pants.

"Jake!!" I covered my eyes and turned around. I could feel my face getting hot and knew it was a bright shade of red.

"Relax. It's just my boxers. You've seen me in shorts before…it's the same thing." He started laughing at me. "If it would make you more comfortable, you could sleep in your underwear, too."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm going to go change, now." I walked off to my bedroom and started searching through boxes for some pajamas. _God, his body is glorious. _All I could think about when I was fumbling through the clothes was how he pulled that shirt over his head and started fumbling for the button on his pants. Finally, I found a pair of blue striped PJ pants and a white cami and put them on. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and went back out to the living room to see if Jake needed anything.

"You need a blanket, Jake?" I asked, walking back into the room. Lifting my gaze from the floor I stopped dead in my tracks. There he was, sitting in the middle of my couch, looking completely relaxed, clad in his green, plaid boxers. _Oh. My…_

"Uh, yeah, thanks, Bells." I walked over to the closet and pulled out a blanket for him. I knew his body temperature was a lot warmer than mine,…_hot, even…_but it's always more comfortable to sleep with a blanket.

"Here. If you need another one, they're in the closet. Do you need anything else?" Expecting him to say "no" I started to turn away and walk towards my bedroom.

"Actually." He pulled me down to the couch beside him. "I have to watch a little TV before I sleep. Join me?"

"Do I have a choice?" I laughed.

"No." He tossed the blanket over me and turned the TV on. I'm not really sure what he ended up stopping to watch. I leaned to my right and rested my head against one of the throw pillow and a few seconds later I was out like a light.


	3. Chapter 3

10 AM…I hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. Jacob's legs were stretched out behind my body on the back of the couch. The TV was still on, but I couldn't hear it over Jake's snoring. Stretching my limbs, I stood up and yawned. The bad thing about owning a Night Club is that you have to deal with the loud music and people every night. That's okay for some people, but it's something I have to get used to.

I walked over to my purse and pulled out my camera to check out some of the pictures from the night before. _This ought to be good._

Picture #1: A group picture of everyone before we opened the doors. _We had no idea what we were in for…_

Picture #2: A picture of me & Samantha opening the Champagne. _She got that all over my dress. _

Picture #3: A picture of all the people flooding through the doors. _Cha-Ching!!_

Picture #4: A picture of me and Jacob. _What a nice smile he has…_

Picture #5: Samantha and her bachelor party. _I can't believe she went home with one of them. I should call her and make sure she's ok._

Picture #6: Another picture of me & Jacob.

Picture #7: A single picture of Jacob giving me the "get over here" finger gesture. _Mmm…_

For some reason, I thought I took more pictures than that. I walked over to my printer and started printing them out. The group picture would look nice in a frame…and, maybe, one of the pictures of me & Jake.

"Good morning, Sunshine." I heard Jacob yawning.

"Good morning, Jake. Sleep okay?" I was watching the pictures printing.

"Yep. I can sleep anywhere." His footsteps were approaching me. "Whatcha doin?"

"Printing these pictures." He started looking through them as the last picture printed. It was the picture of just Jacob.

"These aren't too bad. Can I have a copy of this?" He held up a picture of the two of us.

"Sure…" I was looking at the picture of Jake. After a few seconds…I dropped the picture.

"Bella?" Jacob crouched down and tried to look into my eyes that were staring where the picture in my hands just was. "Bella, are you okay? What's wrong?"

I felt like I was in an alternate universe. My legs gave out on me and started falling towards the floor only to have Jake catch me.

"You're kind of freaking me out, Bells." He set me down on the computer chair. I was still staring towards the floor.

"I'm okay. Um…" _I think I'm losing it. _"Jake, I'm going to take a shower and get something to eat. I'll meet you at the club tonight, okay?" I still hadn't looked up at him.

"Um, okay. You sure you're fine?"

"Yeah. I'll see you tonight." I bent down to pick up the picture and started staring at it, again. Jacob went back over to the couch and put his clothes back on. Usually, I would have been staring, but he was the last thing on my mind at the moment.

"See ya later, Bells." He kissed my forehead and headed out the door.

"Bye" I failed to look up. The second the door latched behind him I went into breakdown mode. There…leaning on the bar behind Jacob…_was Edward. _He was standing on the opposite side of the bar, but staring straight into my camera.

_He was there…and, he, obviously, knew I was there. _My heart was pounding and my mouth was dry. I ran over to my bulletin board and pinned the picture on it. _He better be there tonight. _ I grabbed some clothes and jumped into the shower. _I can't believe he was there…I can't believe I didn't notice him. I can't believe…I'm still breathing._

When I got out of the shower, Jacob was standing in my living room again.

"Um…hi?" I sort of questioned

"You don't have a car." He smirked at me.

"Oh, yeah. Haha. Let me finish getting ready." I walked back into the bathroom and dried my hair. Since we were just cleaning up the club today, I threw on some holy jeans and an old Hollister t-shirt.

"Ok. Let's get out of here. I'll buy us some lunch on the way over there. Thanks for staying last night, Jake." I gave him a weak smile.

"My pleasure, Bells." We took got into the elevator and headed downtown.


	4. Chapter 4

_I hope he comes back tonight._ I was dressed to kill. He wasn't going to get plain, 17 year old, Bella this time. If he comes back, he's going to see a sexy, 24 yr. old woman. I was wearing my dark, skinny, blue jeans, and a navy tube top that was tight around the top and had a tight band around my waste. On my feet were black stilettos. My hair had big curls all through it and fell around my face. I decided to apply my make-up a little heavier tonight…I wanted to make sure he noticed me. For some reason, I knew he'd be there.

The club was packed, again. I was sitting at the bar with Samantha and she was telling me about her eventful night. Turns out, Bachelor Number 3 wasn't very impressive, after all. If Edward were here, he had to notice how desperate I was to see him. Every 30 seconds I was glancing around the bar trying to catch a glimpse of him. So far, I wasn't successful.

"Hello, gorgeous." My heart skipped a beat. I felt his strong, icy…._wait…_ I turned around in his arms. _Oh,…it's Jacob._

"Hey. How long have you been here?" I had my hands at my sides while he was trying to dance with me.

"Awhile. What's up with you? You don't want to dance?" He gave a silly grin and started shaking his hips. All I could do was laugh. "Come on." He grabbed my hips and started swaying me to the music."

"You need another drink." Jacob ran to the bar to get me another Strawberry Long Island. I closed my eyes, put my hands on my hips and let out a long sigh. The music was blaring in my ears, and I was starting to think that I was losing my mind. _Maybe, he wasn't in that picture. Jesus, Bella…just when I thought I was finally getting over him. _

My depression was starting to take over me when I felt a hand on my hips and a drink being put in my other.

"Thanks, Jake." I was about to turn around but his hips held me tight in my place. All I felt was his nose skim across the back of my hair. His hands gave my hips a squeeze and he was gone. Confused, I turned around. He wasn't there.

"Here ya go, Bells." Jacob reached out to hand me a drink. "Um…where'd that come from?" He was pointing at the drink in my right hand. _Oh my God. It couldn't be? Could it? _I dropped the drink he handed me and ran into the crowd looking for my mystery man. _I know it has to be him!! _

I made a couple rounds around the bar…searching…hoping… but, I never saw him. _He's playing with your mind, again, Bella. Stop letting him do this to you. _

"I have to get out of here." I started walking swiftly towards the door.

"Bells, where are you going?" Jake ran up behind me and, practically, chased me through the parking lot.

"Home." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"What? You have to close the bar tonight, remember?" He got to my car before I could.

"Shit." I put my hands on my hips and kept my focus on the ground. My breathing was out of control.

"You've been acting weird all day!!! What the hell is wrong with you?" He put his hands on my shoulders. All I could do was try and shake them off of me.

"Leave me alone, Jake."

"No."

"JACOB, LEAVE. ME. ALONE." I suddenly felt smothered.

"NO! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, BELLA??" He spun me around and pinned me to my car. He didn't hurt me. He never would. But, he used all his force to pin me against the car and tried to get me to look at him.

"GO AWAY!!!" The tears were threatening to spill over.

"Fine." He let go of me and headed back into the club. "But, you still have to close tonight."

I leaned against my car. My finger was pinching the bridge of my nose and I was shaking my head. _Great. I'm having hallucinations and my best friend's mad at me. Edward's starting to ruin my life, again, and he isn't even present. Maybe, Jacob had a right in asking what the hell is wrong with me. _

I walked into the back door, and crashed on the couch in our private lounge. My mood wasn't exactly appropriate for partying. _Sleep off his memory, Bella. _

"Get up, yo!!! I'm heading out. Do you want me to stay and help you lock up?" Samantha was sitting beside me on the couch.

"Nah. I'll be fine. Are you going back to our place or…?" I sat up and tried to get the make-up out from underneath my eyes.

"Um,…I'm actually going to catch a ride home with Jacob." _What?_ "Well, he's really drunk, so I'm going to make sure he gets home okay."

"Oh,…um…fine. See ya." I got off the couch and saw the last, few, drunk partiers leaving.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, I know he's your best friend and all, but you guys never dated or anything. It's just…he asked if I'd stay with him tonight. I'll come home if you want me to." She looked concerned…which, honestly, she should. I'm starting to think Samantha is a tramp. But, this doesn't sound like Jake. _What's going on with him?_

"No, no. I'm fine. I'll lock up & see you tomorrow." The bartenders were emptying the trash and gathering their things to go home.

"Ok, Chris is going to wait outside the door for you to walk you to your car." Chris is one of our bouncers. Nice guy. Huge.

"Sure. See ya." I turned around and started sweeping the floor. All of the other employees left and I swept the floor, swearing to myself, and completely in a daze.

"I'd know you anywhere."……..there is was….that melodic voice drifted through me and brought stole me out of my nightmare and back into reality. _He's here._ Not sure if I could believe my ears, I dropped the broom and slowly turned around. It was him. His beautiful, amber eyes were staring right back at me.


	5. Hallucination

BPOV

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. My mouth gaped open as I stared at his beautiful face. We stood in front of each other for 5 minutes just…watching each other. I'm not even sure I blinked once.

Without a word, he took a step closer to me. As if it was a reflex, I took a step back. For the first time, his eyes left mine and dropped to the floor.

"You're not real…" I whispered. "You can't be. Wake up, Bella." I closed my eyes and started breathing heavier than necessary.

"Bella…" He was trying to get my attention.

"No…someone is trying to wake me up from this dream. I'm dreaming. Wake up, stupid. Wake up!" I was still whispering and tears started falling.

"Bella, you're not dreaming. Look at me…please….just, look at me." I swallowed, hard, and opened my eyes. _He's still here. _

I couldn't say anything to him. I didn't know what _to say!_ I was just gawking at him like an idiot. _Speak, dummy, speak!_

"You still don't believe me, do you?" He took a step closer. This time, I didn't move. "Touch me, Bella."

_Oh. My. God._

I took a deep breath and, with a shaky hand, reach up to touch his face. Instantly, his eyes closed and he covered my hand with his own.

"Oh, my God." He opened his eyes and stared down into mine.

"I'm the stupidest man who ever walked this earth." We just kept staring at each other.

"Edward…" It was the first time I'd spoken his name in 5 years. "Stay with me." Tears started spilling over, again.

"Bella…" He started leaning his head in. He was coming in for a kiss. _Breathe, Bella…._ His head tilted to the side, his nose grazed mine, that sweet, intoxicating breath swept across my face.

"Breathe, Bella…" If I were in my right mind, I would have laughed. He kept coming closer,…and closer….and closer…and….

"Miss Swan!!??" I jumped back and blew out a huge breath that I was holding. It was Chris. I forgot that he was waiting for me, outside.

"Sorry, Chris! Um,…" I looked back at Edward, wondering what I should say to Chris. My fear was that Edward would disappear and I'd be here all by myself if I let Chris go home. _He's going to leave you, Bella. He just came back to make sure you're alive. He WILL leave you. Let Chris walk you out. Go, Bella!_

"I'll take you home…if you'd like." Those beautiful eyes were making my knees weak.

"Chris?" I kept my eyes on Edward's. "I have a ride home. You don't have to wait."

"Are you sure, Miss Swan? I can wait." _He's such a nice guy._

Edward smiled at me.

"Yes. I'm sure. Thanks for staying." I still had my eyes on that gorgeous man.

"Okay. Have a good night." I heard the door click behind him.

The next few seconds were a blur. One second I was staring into his eyes and the next…his lips were glued to mine. I wasn't positive which one of us initiated the kiss, but I wasn't about to stop it! This wasn't a weak kiss,…it was hot and passionate. It was the kind of kiss you were supposed to have when you haven't seen your only true love in 6 years. One of his hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer and the other was around my neck keeping my lips locked to his. Both of my hands wrapped around his neck, not wanting him to pull away.

As the kiss deepened, I started moaning against his lips. I couldn't help it, he felt so good. My tongue, on its own accord, started running along his bottom lip. I so badly desire him.

"Bella…" He broke off the kiss to speak, only to attach them to my lips again.

"Mmm?" I, sort of, questioned.

"Let's get you home." He kept his lips on mine, picked me up, and walked me outside to his car. _My car_, would be sitting in the parking lot for another night.

His lips left mine and I came up for air. _If I had my way, I'd never stop kissing him. _He sat me in his car and shut my door. Less than a second later, he got in the drivers seat. I was looking around, smiling.

"What?" He smiled back at me. _Oh, that beautiful smile. That beautiful, sexy smile. _

"You still have the Volvo." I kept smiling. This car was a staple in my life. Anywhere that I went, I looked for this car. Anytime I saw a car like this on the road, I nearly lost my life from lack of concentration.

"Of course I do. I couldn't bare to get rid of it. It holds too many memories of you." He grabbed my hand into his and left the parking lot. I started directing him to my apartment. For a moment, I felt relief that Samantha wasn't going to be there…for a moment. After that moment was over, I remembered where she went. _Jacob…_

"Turn right at the light. My place is the last building on the right." Edward followed my directions and we arrived at the loft in 4 seconds, flat. He helped me out of the car and followed me inside. We closed the doors on the elevator, and he attacked.

His lips were all over me. They started on my lips and traveled over to my ear. He sucked my earlobe into his mouth, which made me moan.

"I've missed you so much, Bella. I'm such a stupid, stupid man." His lips moved down my jaw and to my neck.

"I've thought about you every day since you left me." He stopped his pursuit. "No, no…don't' stop." He kissed me hard on the lips, again, but pulled back.

"Bella…" The elevator stopped. He sighed, picked me up and carried me into the apartment. Without setting me down, he continued. "Bella, I have never regretted anything more than I've regretted leaving you. I haven't been the same without you. Nobody can stand to be around me. You make me want to live,…and…without you…I've lost my will to do anything. I'm so, so stupid, Bella. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'll do anything it takes to earn it." He truly looked hurt. His eyes looked like they were pleading with me. _Don't believe him, Bella. Oh, SHUT UP!_

I kissed him with fervor. My hands wrapped in his hair and pulled him closer, earning a groan from him. _Yes, more!_

"Edward…" I kissed my way to his ear.

"Hhmm?"

"Bedroom….now." In a flash we were in my bedroom. I'm not sure how he knew, so quickly, which bedroom was mine but I wasn't in the mood to question him. Edward was with me. Edward was in my home. _Edward was in my bedroom_.

He laid me down on the bed, crawling over me but never putting his full weight on me.

"Bella, this was never my intention…I shouldn't even be doing this. I should be worshipping and spoiling you until you have everything your heart has ever desired." He ran a finger down my cheek.

"_You _are everything my heart has ever desired." I grabbed his face and kissed him, again. _More kissing, I say. Always kissing. Always….Bella, you sound like a blubbering idiot!_

His lips left mine and traveled down my neck, stopping on my pulse point and lightly sucking.

"Mmm…" His hands slid down to my hips and he rested his body on mine. _Oh, good God._ My legs were starting to shake in anticipation and my head clouded with lust.

"Breathe, Bella…" _Bella? Who's Bella?_ His lips went down to my exposed collarbone. I was very happy I'd been wearing a tube top. Edward's right hand slid down my thigh and hitched my leg around his waist. _Sweet Jesus! _My eyes rolled back into my head when I felt Edward's chilling tongue slide across the skin just above my top. _Uuuggghhh!!!_

"Bella…" His hand slid up the my top and slowly, so slowly started pulling it down. _Eddwwwaa……._

Everything went black. It felt like only seconds before I snapped out of it, but when I opened my eyes the sun was up. Stretching my limbs, I took inventory; I was still in my clothes from the night before, but I was under my covers.

I was a dream. Oh. My. God. It was a dream. How could I hallucinate something that felt so real? He was never here. He never told me that he missed me. Edw…he never came back for you.

My eyes welled up with tears. I through the covers off of me, intending to storm out to the kitchen and start my Sunday morning with some nice, hard liquor. I raced around the bed, stubbing my toe on my bedpost. I screamed out in pain, tried to balance on one foot, failed, and fell to the floor. I put my hand out, bracing myself for impact…but, that impact never came.

_Could it be?_


	6. Better Than A Dream

BPOV

_Could it be?_

I glanced up into those amber eyes. _Edward. _

"I can see you're still just as graceful." He smiled down at me, helping me to my feet.

"Um, yeah…" I couldn't tare my eyes away. I hadn't dreamt any of it. He was actually here with me. What was he doing back? Would he stay? Is he just checking up on me?

"Bella, I made you breakfast. Are you hungry?" I shook my head, 'yes', like an idiot. I couldn't find the words. He grabbed my hand, acting as if he had never left, and led me into the kitchen. "I hope it tastes okay. I'm not an expert, or anything." He laughed at himself.

"Thanks." I started eating while he watched. It was weird. I wasn't, at all, uncomfortable with this. Having him around calmed my nerves. In a way, it _was_ as if he had never left.

"You look surprised to see me, this morning. Are you okay?" I pushed the plate away. The food was very good, but my stomach got butterflies at the thought of having to speak to Edward.

"I'm fine. I just…I thought I had dreamt it all. Not a night goes by that I don't dream about you…I just thought…I didn't think that you would actually come back." I didn't dare risk looking at him.

"I'm sorry if I'm intruding on your life, Bella. I told myself that I would only find you to make sure that you were healthy and happy. But,…you practically knocked me off my feet when I saw you. You were beautiful before, but you just look so…grown up. I had to talk to you. I was being selfish, I'm sorry." He pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Why do you care how I'm doing? I mean, you made it very clear that you didn't want me, so…what made you come back? Did Alice see something? Were you trying to protect me? I'm just…confused." I turned my chair towards him, wanting to see his perfect face.

"No, Bella, Alice didn't see anything. I made her promise not to look for you when we left Forks. And, of course I care how you're doing. Bella, I never stopped loving you. I told you that I didn't to protect you. I lied, Bella. I knew that you would never let me go if you knew that I still wanted you. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. You're all I've thought about since I've been away from you. My life hasn't been the same. Nobody in the family is hardly speaking to me. The ones who aren't angry at me, pity me. I hate how that makes me feel. I'm not myself, anymore." I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I couldn't handle the refection.

"So, now what?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. If he told me that he was leaving, I'd jump off the balcony. I don't know how I got through the rejection the first time. If I had to do it again…I don't think I could pull through it.

"I don't know. If you want me to leave, I will." He looked over at me.

"No!" I practically lunged at him. I stopped myself, remembering that he was a vampire and my lunging at him could cause more damage than he's prepared for. If he hurt me, he'd surely leave.

"Really? You don't want me to go? I'd understand if you did, Bella. I acted like a fool the last time we were together." He turned towards me. He seemed to be contemplating his next move.

"I'm sure. Don't leave me, Edward. I feel so stupid wanting to beg you to stay with me, but…you're the only person I've ever wanted. I've never felt the same way about anybody else. I _have to have you in my life. _Please,…stay with me." I was nearly crying. I felt like such a baby. He's going to think I'm pathetic and want nothing to do with me. _Great, Bella. _

"Bella…I promise to never…never…leave you as long as it's what you want. I'll worship you for the rest of your life and do anything you ask of me to show you how much you mean to me. Believe me, Bella. I love you." He had sunk to his knees before me and was kissing my hands.

What I said, next, came out in a whisper. "I love you, too."

He got up and pulled my face into his. We were together, again. The last 12 hours seemed to change my entire existence. Edward was with me and promising that he'd never leave, again. _Don't buy it, Bella. It's just words. Words don't mean shit! You know that!_

We kissed for hours. He took his time caressing almost every inch of my body while his lips worked magic on my lips, neck, and shoulders. We were lying on the couch, together. His body was halfway covering mine and his right hand was sliding up and down my side as he kissed me.

"Someone is here, love." He kissed my nose and tried to back away, but I pulled him back towards me.

"I don't care." He laughed and kissed me, again.

I heard the elevator door open. It was Samantha.

"Oh!" She seemed shocked to see me lying on the couch with a man she didn't know.

"Hi, Sam." I smiled at her and so did Edward.

"Um, Hi? Who's this?" She smiled back. I'm sure she was having trouble resisting Edward's charming face.

"Well,…this is Edward. Edward, this is Samantha. She's my roommate/business partner." I laughed at the look on Samantha's face. Not to mention the face that I was as giddy as a school girl who had just been smooching her hot boyfriend.

"Nice to meet you." He laughed, too. I'm sure the thoughts going on in her head were very amusing.

"Where, exactly, did you meet him? When I left last night,…you were alone." _Very subtle, Sam, thanks._

"I've, actually, known Edward for a very long time. I just haven't seen him in awhile. He surprised me, last night." I turned my gaze back to Edward, who was smiling at me.

"I see. Well, you must be very special. Bella doesn't let men near her, let alone…let them, actually, touch her!" She gestured to the way Edward's hands were gripping me.

"So," I tried to stray the subject away from my love life. "How was your night?" Immediately, I regretted asking. She _was_ with Jake, last night.

"You really wanna know?" She seemed confused. She threw her bag on the floor by the coffee table.

"I guess. But, spare me the details." I sighed.

"Well,…it went very…." She got a huge smile on her face. "very well." She laughed.

"So, you had a good time last night." I laughed.

"And, this morning." Her face had lit up. _I guess Jake was good in bed. _

"That's too much detail." I half-smiled. I was lying in Edward's arms. Why was I bothered by hearing that my two best friends had…shacked up?

"Sorry,…he wanted me to tell you that he's not mad at you. He was just confused as to why you were acting so weird. But…" She gestured to Edward. "Now, I know." Sam got off the couch and started heading towards her room. "I'm going to change and head back down to the club to count our money." She laughed.

"Okay. You're on your own. I closed that place two nights in a row for you." I sat up and headed towards the kitchen. I looked back at Edward. He was sprawled out on the couch, looking very…sexy.

"No problem. Thanks, by the way, for doing that for me." I rolled my eyes. I wanted to say, _"Stop sleeping around before you catch something!"_ but it wasn't worth the fight. I just wanted to live in my happy world, right now. "I'm out! See ya! Nice meeting you, Edward. Be good to my girl, here…she's much too innocent to handle anything you could throw at someone like…me." She winked at him and hit the button on the elevator.

"Hmpf." I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and sat down by Edward, again.

"I'm a little surprised that you're friends with her, Bella." He smirked at me.

"And, why's that?" I smiled back.

"She reminds me of Jessica. Her thoughts were _anything _but innocent." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm sure you'll be her next conquest." I looked down at my bottle of water and started pealing back the label.

"I'm not interested. It bothered me that she thought of herself as some sort of _expert seductress_. Besides, we both know that you _ARE _ the only person who could handle everything about me. I don't understand it, but you are." He brushed my hair away from my face. "So,…do you want to go somewhere, today?"

"Sure. Where?" I looked back over at him. _He's so beautiful._

"Well, I know the family would love to see you." My face lit up. I've missed them almost as much as I've missed Edward. They were the only family I really felt like I was a part of, besides Charlie and Renee. They weren't really a family, though. They were two parents that were trying to compromise because of their mutual connection: me.

"I'd love to! I'll go get dressed." I jumped up and hit my knee on the coffee table.

"Easy, Bella." He sat me on his lap and rubbed circles on my bruised knee.

"I swear, I wasn't this clumsy when you were gone. This is so embarrassing." I rested my forehead in my hands.

"It would be adorable, if you weren't hurting yourself." He turned my head to kiss him. "Now,…" He stood up and took me into my bedroom. "change your clothes and be very careful." He kissed my forehead and lightly tapped my behind twice….which _shocked the hell out of me. _Edward seemed a little shocked by his actions, too. We both looked up at each other with confused grins on our faces. Edward just shook his head and laughed at himself. I'm sure my face was burning red.

"Ugh…yeah." He laughed at himself, again, and walked out of my bedroom.

_I could get used to this. _


	7. While You Were Away

BPOV

_Alice will be proud of me. _I dressed in blue, cotton dress. It was v-neck and hit just below my breasts. I wasn't _trying _to drive Edward crazy, but…he was the one who touched me, first. I put on a pair of wedged heels, some jewelry and put makeup on. I didn't look half bad. Walking out my bedroom door, I saw Edward looking through some old photo albums from college. _Great. _

"Nosey." A smile lit up my face when he looked up at me.

"I'm want to know what you've been doing while I've been away." He turned another page.

"Not much." I walked over to him. "We will have plenty of time to catch up, right?" I still didn't trust him. I was afraid he would disappear.

"We have forever, Bella." He stopped looking at the album. His gaze was strictly on my face.

"Promise?" I felt like I couldn't breathe. He had only been back for a day and I wanted to forget all about the last 6 years and just be with him.

"I promise." He put the book down and held his arms out to me. Gladly, I accepted them. I sunk into his arms and he held me for an eternity. Every few seconds, he would graze his lips against mine and over my neck. "We should go, love." He planted one last kiss on my cheek and lifted me off his lap.

I gathered my bag and keys and walked out.

"Oh, I forgot my car was still at the club." We stepped in front of his car.

"We'll get it later, if that's okay with you." He opened the door for me.

"Or, you could just chauffer me everywhere for the rest of my life…" I laughed and sat in the passenger seat.

"I'd be more than happy to, Bella." He shut my door and got in the driver's seat.

"Where is the rest of your family, anyway?" I put my seatbelt on. _Reflex. _Edward laughed at me.

"They are at the house in Forks. When they found out that I came back to you…" he grabbed my hand. "they wanted to be here to welcome you back to the Cullen clan. Somehow…Alice knew that you'd want to be with us." His smile faded. "I wasn't so sure."

"I will always choose you." I squeezed his hand and we took off towards Forks. I started telling him about some of my wilder escapades in college. He wanted to know what he missed…well, I told him. Some of the moments I wasn't very proud of, but he never made me feel ashamed of them. He did, however, wonder about my tattoo. _If he's lucky…or, I'm lucky…he'll see it later. _

We pulled up in front of the old Cullen house and it looked as if they had never left. Immediately, Alice flew out of the house and ran to the car.

"BELLA!!!" The smile on her face was infectious. Edward had just helped me out of the car when Alice's tiny little arms picked me up and spun me in circles. "I've missed you!!"

"Alice, I require oxygen." I managed to laugh out.

"Oh, sorry." She set me down and I noticed that the rest of the family had gathered on the porch. "I knew we'd all be together again." She hugged me, again, and pulled me up to the house.

"Bella,…I'm so happy to have you back." Esme put her arms around me and hugged me into a comforting embrace.

"I'm happy, too." I looked up at Edward and saw him smiling at me.

"So, shorty, how have you been surviving without us?" Emmett was leaning against the wall.

"It wasn't much of a life without you guys." I felt Edward's arm wrap around me and we all walked in the house.

Emmett & Rosalie were standing against the wall. She didn't look overly joyed to see me, but she _was_ there. She didn't need to be here and she was. _That's enough from Rosalie. _Alice was sitting on the couch next to Jasper. Jasper seemed very remorseful. He didn't say anything most of the time that I was there. If he did say anything, it wasn't to me. Carlisle and Esme sat next to me on the couch while Edward sat on the armrest beside me.

"So, tell us everything." Carlisle turned towards me.

"Ugh,…" I laughed. "What do you want to know?"

I got into all the details about college. I left out all the details about how I cried myself to sleep every night and thought about Edward every second of the day. I didn't want to tell them that I had, briefly, gotten into drugs. It wasn't anything extreme, just weed. It helped me relax. Basically, I told them about my degree and how I'm not doing anything with it.

"So,…what have you been doing?" I looked around the room.

"Well," Esme began. "Carlisle and I have been living in New Hampshire with Rosalie and Emmett. Alice and Jasper have been with us for most of our stay there, but they went to Europe for awhile."

"And, you?" I looked up at Edward. "Weren't you with them?"

"I think we should save that for another day, Bella." I stroked the back of my hair.

"Why?" It worried me that he wasn't with him family.

"I don't want to upset you." _What?_

"It's upsetting that you don't think I can handle it." I had fully turned my body him and I was prepared to start a full-blown argument in front of his family. One thing hadn't changed: Edward was still trying to make my decisions for me and decide what was best. _I won't be having any of that!_

"Bella…" His voice had become stern.

"Edward…" I through it right back at him.

"Maybe I should get you home." He stood up and got my bag.

"I don't want to leave." I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest.

"They are going hunting. We can continue this, later." He grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards the door.

"It was good to see you, again, Bella! We'll see you, soon!" Alice yelled. "And, Edward,...stop being so controlling!" I laughed as I exited the house. It was good to know that I wasn't the only one who noticed. Edward still had a stern look on his face when he opened the door for me.

"Thanks." I said, curtly.

"You're welcome." He shut the door and got into the driver's seat. We were down the road in less than 10 seconds and dirt flying behind us. Neither of us said anything. I sat in the driver's seat with my arms folded over my chest and stared out the window. I barely registered where we were at when we pulled off the road.

"Edward…?" He didn't say anything. A moment later, he opened my door and flung me onto his back.

"Close your eyes." He took off running.

The wind whipped around me and was blowing my dress up behind me. I was glad that we were alone. My face was in the crook of his neck, breathing in his addicting scent. He had a grip on my thighs and I couldn't help but let my mind wonder. In my mind, we were back at the Cullen house, by ourselves and Edward was…sliding his hands up and down my legs while he knelt in front of me. His lips were kissing a trail up my legs and he was pushing the dress up as he went. Just before he reached the destination that I wanted him, he set me down on the ground. He kept me steady so that I wouldn't fall and I opened my eyes. _Our meadow. _

"Oh, Edward." I hadn't been back here since he left. It looked different. I didn't know if it was because it was dark, or because it almost made me sad.

"I want to tell you what I've been doing, Bella. I just didn't think that it was appropriate in front of the family." He pulled me close to him.

"Why?" I was curious.

"I just…I just wanted to speak to you, alone. They are all aware of what I've been doing. I don't know how you will react and I didn't want you to have to hold back in front of my family." He pulled back and looked at me.

"Is it bad?" _What…did he go on some human killing spree?_

"Not necessarily. Can I tell you?" _Do you have to ask?_

"Of course."


	8. Jaded

EPOV

_Where do I start?_

I took a seat in the grass and pulled Bella into my lap. My arms gripped her tight as I breathed in her intoxicating scent.

"I'm so, so sorry." The whisper barely escaped my lips as I pressed them to her temple. "The guilt I'm feeling for…for…_leaving you _is eating away at me. I…" I couldn't find the right words, but I'll be sure to show her how sorry I am every day for the rest of her life.

"Don't, Edward." She turned her face to rub her nose against mine. "Every time that you apologize it reminds me of that day." Her voice caught in her throat and the rhythm of her heart changed. She was choking back a sob. "I don't want to remember that day." Tears spilled over her eyes and her mouth started to tremble.

That is what I'd been waiting for. I didn't want her relive the painful memory that I had scorched in her brain, but if we were going to get past it we had to talk about it. We had barely been back in each other's lives for 24 hours and I felt like she had picked up where we left off. She hasn't been showing me her true feelings. In fact, she should hate me. She should have thrown me out of that club the second she saw my face and cursed my name for having the nerve to show myself. _But, no…she didn't. _Bella accepted me back into her life without question. _I'll never understand this woman. _

"Bella,…we have to talk about it." I wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her head in my hands. "It will help us move on. Please?"

Bella's bloodshot eyes tentatively looked into mine. I tried my best not to dazzle her at that moment. If I tried, I'm sure she would reprimand me. She was a much stronger woman than she used to be. But then, I'm sure that had a lot to do with me. _Idiot. _

"Let me go first before I lose my nerve." She situated herself in my lap so that she was facing me. It hadn't slipped my mind how close she was to a certain part of my anatomy. I didn't have to heart, literally, to start _that_ discussion, yet. Besides, I'm sure her intentions were completely innocent. Well, seeing as she wasn't as innocent as I remember, I could be wrong.

"The floor is yours, Miss Swan." I brushed her hair away from her face and waited for her to begin. After taking several deep breaths, she ripped into me.

"You left me. You left me lying on the floor of the forest in 40 degree weather. You left me lying on the forest in 40 degree weather feeling like I was dead to the world." Her eyes hadn't met mine since she started. They focused on my chest. "It sounds cliché, but I lost my will to live. I swear I didn't eat an entire meal for months. I'd make Charlie dinner and just pick at my food, waiting for the moment I could go back up to my room and sleep off your memory. You broke me."

I saw her eyes flicker up to mine, but I was a coward and looked the other way. I deserved everything she was throwing at me, but…I hated to see her in pain.

"From that day forward my life has been jaded. In the beginning, I didn't want to honor your requests to live and be happy. I did everything I could to not live…and to be as miserable as I could. On the days that I had to pull myself out of bed, I would be reckless. At one point, I convinced Jake that we should get motorcycles. If you can imagine, I'm not a very talented driver." A slight smile crept to her face and, in an instant, it was gone. "Bleeding started to feel good. The pain _actually _made me feel better. I could never bring myself to use blades or a knife, but…but…I'd tare at my flesh until it would break through the skin."

I flinched away at the thought. She had actually resorted to hurting herself. I'd spent many days while I was away wishing that I could do the same. God knows, I tried.

"Then something happened. It dawned on me that the more time I spent alone, the more time I spent in my depression. Charlie tried to take me to a psychologist, but I didn't want to talk about it. Besides, what would I say: 'My vampire boyfriend left me and I'm trying to kill myself.'? They would have sent me to an institution. So, I spent time with Jacob. He has always been there for me even when I didn't deserve it. I learned that the more I was with him, the less I thought about us. I actually started to have fun, again."

"Bella, I'm sorry." I rested my head on her collarbone. It had been decades since I had sobbed in front of anyone, but there I was, sobbing like a baby. "Keep going…I'm sorry."

Her hand rested on the back of my neck, caressed it.

"When I finally graduated, I spent the summer with Jake, avoiding looking through college applications. It caused me so much anxiety to choose a future. The future that I wanted wasn't an option for me, anymore. If I got what I wanted, I would have had an eternity to choose something that would make me happy. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be happy. The one person that made me happy wasn't old enough for college. I would have to choose. So, reluctantly, I decided to stay close to Charlie and Jacob and go to school in Seattle. I chose the one thing that made me happy: English. I did what everyone is supposed to do in college. I roomed with Samantha. As you know, she and I are complete opposites. In a way, she reminded me of Alice. Sam had her own way of playing Barbie with me. But, she has a good heart and didn't offer me enough time to sulk and feel sorry for myself. She would drag me from party to party. I dabbled in some minor drugs and a lot of alcohol. Alcohol had two different effects on me. If I were in a good mood, it would loosen me up and I would dance and socialize." She laughed. "I know,…Bella…dancing. For once, it didn't matter that I was uncoordinated. I could blame it on the booze. Jake never joined me in college, but we would visit it each other nearly every weekend. He never pushed me. He never made me feel like I was wasting his time. But,…he also never dated anyone. It broke my heart every time I thought about what he was sacrificing in hopes of being with me. He doesn't deserve the heartache I've been putting him through. He really does love me…and I really do love him. He's my best friend. He and Samantha are my best friends."

I winced at the mention of her loving him. It was my own fault, but…I didn't want to share her love. I wanted all of her. Forever.

"The rest is history. No matter what is going on in my life, I would still think about you every second. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I dream about you every night and prayed every day that you would come back to me. I've always been yours, Edward. Always."

That was the light at the end of that dark, dismal tunnel. She loved me. She couldn't love me half as much as I loved her, but she loved me.

"Bella, I…" _Say something, stupid!_

"Edward…will you do something for me?" Her eyes were closed and another tear slid down her cheek.

"Anything, love…anything." I leaned forward and nuzzled my face into her neck.

"Kiss me…" It was so soft that I barely heard it.

"Always." Slowly, I ran my left hand up and cupped her cheek. My lips slid across her cheek as I inched towards her sweet lips. I brushed my lips over hers a few times, inhaling the delectable scent of strawberry awaited me, there. Her control surprised me. The old Bella would have latched on by now. The new Bella was savoring the moment. _I could get used to this new Bella. _Finally, I firmly pressed my lips to hers. Comfort spread over my body when she moaned at the contact. This felt familiar. This felt nice. This felt like home. I belonged here. I belonged in her arms, wrapped in her embrace. I wanted to be here. I wanted a life with her.

Slowly, I left small, chaste kisses all over her mouth. With all my strength I planted one long kiss on her beautiful mouth and pulled away. Bella looked beautiful. Her eyes were lazily closed and her mouth hung open. I couldn't help but notice how her beautiful breasts were rising and falling from her erratic breathing. _I wanted more. _I'm not sure if it was the time I lost with her or the fact that she had blossomed into a strong, sexy woman, but I wanted more.

As if reading my mind, Bella whimpered, "Don't stop."

"Bella…" I grabbed both sides of her face and held her close to mine. I was pleading with my voice for her to stop asking me. If we were this tense with each other in only 24 hours, how would we be tomorrow…and the next day…and the day after that? Then again, she may not want me back after I explained my side of the story.

"One more, Bella…just one more." I didn't mean for my lips to attack hers, but they did. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, avoiding my teeth, and ran my tongue along it.

"Mmm…" The sounds she was making weren't doing good things to my composure. It also wasn't doing good things to the state of my manhood. She was seducing me without her knowledge. She's bewitched me.

Her hands slid over my chest and gripped my shoulders, pulling me closer. Instinctively, my hands went to her hips and pulled her lower body flush against mine. She had to have felt me straining against my jeans. The pressure was to continue was causing an aneurysm. _Must stop!_

"Stop…please." I pushed her hips back and detached my lips from hers.

"No…more." She captured my lips, once again, and slid further into me. The force of her pull caused a moan to come out of my mouth. My need for her was taking over my good judgment.

"Please…" I pushed her hips back, again, but kept my lips on hers. Bella bit my lower lip and sucked it into her mouth, massaging it with her tongue. _So good…_

This had to be stopped. I had taken things too far last night when we got back to her place. I'd actually been happy that she blacked out because I was rounding second base, which was further than I'd ever gone with any woman. It wouldn't be such a big deal if her delicate bones wouldn't crumble under my lightest touch. But, I was a danger to her. My body wanted to show her the kind of love that she deserved. If I were being completely honest, my body wanted make-up sex. It was to make up for a 6 year absence with slow, sensuous love making. _Oh, the things I could do to that body._

The minute that thought entered my brain, a flood of imagines started pouring in. They weren't of our love making, however. The things I saw myself doing to that body were breaking rips and bruising her beautiful skin. The worst image was my mouth attached to her luscious throat, stealing her life from her. _Stop, Edward!_

Her vein seemed to pulse in her neck. It was tempting me. It was teasing me. It was challenging me. _Bite her! She's so close, just do it! You've missed the delicious scent of her blood. You've void of it for too long. Bite!_

"Bella stop!" I pushed her onto the ground and backed into a tree.

"I'm sorry." Her heartbeat was entirely too fast. I was afraid she would pass out.

_That didn't take long to reign in your control. _

Huh…that's true. My bloodlust was pushed aside for my concern for Bella. _Hmm…_

In a flash I was at her side.

"Did I hurt you? God,…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…" I check every inch of skin that I touched to make sure she wasn't injured.

"Edward, I'm fine. That was my fault, anyway. I didn't mean to push you." She looked scared. I didn't want her to be afraid of me.

"No, no…" I kissed her forehead and massaged her hips. "I shouldn't have pushed you away so roughly. Forgive me?"

"Always."

_I don't deserve your generosity. _

"My turn?" Bella laid down beside me and I rolled to my side to look at her.

"Tell me everything."

"Everything." I sighed. _Don't run away from me. Please, don't run away from me. _


	9. Ashamed

BPOV

I stared at the beautiful man beside me. He had a solemn look on his face as he pondered his next words. I had to know how he spent the last six years. Many nights, I layed awake wondering where he was. I pictured him in Europe, South America, Canada…outside my window. That last one was kept me sane. Ever since I met Edward, I kept my bedroom window open at night. It didn't matter if it was sub-zero temperatures…my window was always open for him. I always knew that I would wake up alone, but having the window open made me feel safe. _I must be crazy._

"As you know, I've always regretted leaving you," he was trailing his fingers along my arm and not making eye contact. "My families thoughts assaulted me and made me and added to my guilt. They always told me that they respected and understood my decision, but when they weren't careful and let down their mental barriers I heard the truth. Carlisle and Esme were in sync with their thoughts. Both of them understood why I did what I did, but they worried that I would never be the same. I was always conflicted with my emotions when I was around you. I felt like a monster that was trying to steal you away from the world that we all wish we could have back. I was selfish. But, Bella, that year with you was the happiest of my life. That's why Carlisle and Esme were so concerned. They were afraid that I would never find a love equal to what I had for you." He looked up, for the first time, into my eyes. "Bella, they were right. I have never and _will never_ love anyone else."

I leaned up on my elbows and placed a understand kiss on his lips. "I love you, too, Edward."

"Alice cursed me, screamed at me, tried to hurt me and snap me out of it. She has missed you almost as much as I have. _'Almost' _being the operable word. Jasper felt guilty and was afraid to be anywhere near me. He feared that I blamed him…but, that's not true. I blame myself for putting you in a situation like that. It wasn't Jasper's fault…he couldn't control himself. I understand, all too well, how thirst can take over all your senses."

"I don't blame Jasper, either." I rested my head in the grass.

"Emmett felt sorry for me. He wished that you would have been immortal when I met you only to make things easier for me. His teasing attitude masks how caring his nature truly is. He, too, feared that I would go back into my loathing state." He ran his fingers through his hair and got a small smirk on his face.

"Rosalie…" He laughed. "Well, Rose thought it was smartest thing I'd ever done because it kept her safe. It kept the attention off of the family. She, honestly, could have cared less about my feelings. But,…that's too be expected from her.

So, I left. I couldn't take their pity and hatred. Bella, my entire family cares about you, too. Most of them thought of you as part of the family and it was my fault that you weren't part of it anymore. I fled. At first, I just ran. I ran through all of Canada and Alaska. When I tired of that, I ran south. About two years after I left, I stopped in Forks. I sat outside your house for several days just looking at your bedroom window. I knew that you weren't there and I yearned to crawl through your window and search for evidence of where you went…but, I didn't. I convinced myself that you had moved on and it would only be harder for me to know if you were with somebody else. That was a terrifying thought. I wanted you to be happy, but the thought of another guy holding you was agonizing. That thought, alone, kept me running for another year. I kept in touch with Carlisle, but I didn't talk to the rest of the family, much. I would stop by for a few months at a time, but as soon as their thoughts went back to the places they were in I left you…I'd leave, again. I thought about you every moment of every day. After I had exhausted my efforts to run across the entire planet, I had to come back. I had to see you…even if you were married and living happily ever after…I had to see you. The closer I got to Forks, the worse the images became of you. I'd spent so many years telling myself that you were happy, but when I knew I'd see you…I was afraid that you weren't. I was afraid that you'd been hurt…I was afraid that I'd never be able to find you. It became my mission to find you as quickly as possible so, instead of tracking your scent, I went back to Charlie's."

"What? He never…" I felt the anger boiling inside of me. Charlie never told me that Edward came back looking for me.

"He didn't know. When I slipped through your bedroom window I felt like I'd run into a brick wall. Your scent was everywhere. It made me want to smile and cry at the same time. It took me 4 hours to move from my spot just inside the window. I let your essence wash over me dilute the images that you weren't okay. Your college transcripts were on your desk, but so was your diploma. That didn't help me. It took another 2 hours for me to muster the courage to walk out of your bedroom. That's when I saw your address and phone number on Charlie's refrigerator. Immediately, I left for Seattle. The first night that your club opened, I just watched you. You seemed happy and I won't tell you what vile things were going through my mind when that…when _Jacob Black _was touching you."

_Jake. Oh my God…_I've been so wrapped up in Edward that I'd forgotten about Jake.He would have seen me leave with him that night. My wondered back to how I was feeling about Jacob before I knew that Edward had returned. I was noticing how attractive Jake was and how good he was to me and…_shit!_

"I realize that he didn't abandon you like I did. But, I don't really want to talk about him. Bella, the reason I came back that second night was because I couldn't stay away any longer. My chest actually hurt when I saw you drive away with _him. _I decided not to follow you because I didn't want to see what was going on between the two of you. Instead, I ran back to Forks, jumped through your bedroom window and spent the entire day wrapped up in your bed," his smirk crept back to his face. "Sorry, if that creeps you out."

"It doesn't, but…Edward, there was nothing going on between me and Jake. Trust me, we've always just been friends. He drove me home because I had drank too much…that's it." Edward cupped my face with his right hand.

"You have always been free to do whatever you wanted with your life. I'll never judge you on anything you did while I was away.

"Anyway, I had made the decision to talk to you. If you told me to leave…I would have…but,…it…it would have hurt."

I got the feeling that he wasn't telling me something. The way he was talking before…this conversation would have been a lot harder to handle. So far, the worst thing he did was break into Charlie's house.

"Edward?" I grabbed his hand and rested our entwined fingers on my stomach.

"Yes?" His gaze was upon our hands.

"What aren't you telling me? What did you do while you were running?" I never did look at his face. The tension is his hand was proof that he withheld information.

"Bella…it might be better if I didn't…I don't think either of us would benefit from you knowing." I glanced up and saw the concern in his eyes.

"Tell me." I had to know. It wasn't a plea…it was a command. I would never learn to trust him again if I knew he was keeping things from me.

"I…," he sighed. "When I left, I was so disgusted by what I was. This curse was the reason that I couldn't be with you so…I decided to stop giving into my thirst. I stopped hunting…all together."

"What? How…How is that possible?"

"Once I had gotten through that first week, I figured that I could do it. I could feel the burn in my throat, but my hatred for myself overpowered that thirst. Every time I felt the need to hunt, I'd see your beautiful face and bury that feeling. I wouldn't let the vampire in me take over. It was foolish, I knew that, and eventually I had to give into the temptation. I repeated that process over and over. Hunting wasn't fun for me, anymore, and when I would make the kill…I'd hate myself even more than the time before that. The reason I didn't want to tell you was because of the last mistake I had made. After I had stopped by your house, the first time, I had waited nearly a month before I gave into my thirst. A vampire can't go without blood…it makes us weak, but it still won't kill us. I had lost all sense of myself and didn't even recognize who I was. Bella…that was incredibly…incredibly stupid of me." He paused and pulled his hand away from me. Edward fell back to stare at the sky with me and I could tell that whatever he was about to admit was going to be hard for both of us.

"It's okay, Edward. _I'll never judge you on anything you did while I was awa_y." Hopefully, his own words hit home.

"Please, know that I'm ashamed of myself and never told anyone else what I did. They don't need to know and I wish that I didn't have to tell you," he sighed, again. "Bella, I waited too long to hunt. When I ran through Ireland,…I gave in to my thirst, but…" he shook his hands through his hair and growled at himself. "I hadn't killed an animal."

There, he said it. He didn't need to explain anything else…I didn't want to know the details and I didn't want him to have to relive it. He made a mistake and faltered…I could forgive him for that. I knew that he would be much harder on himself than anyone else would be. _That's Edward. _

"I forgive you. Please, forgive yourself." I leaned over and rested my head on his chest.

"I wish it was that easy…it's just…," his entire chest started shaking. When I turned my head to look at him I could tell that he was crying. No tears were falling down his cheeks, but the expression was there. I didn't the only thing that I knew to do: I rolled us over so that his face was buried in the crook of my neck and wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could.

"I'm sorry that happened to you…I'm sorry." There was nothing else that I could say to make it better for him. I knew that if I kept saying, "It's okay", he would just keep denying that it was.

"I hate that I did that to somebody…I…I took their life away from them… the last time I did that to somebody was nearly 70 years ago. I could never forget how remorseful I am afterwards. I hate myself for this." The shaking wasn't stopping. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, but not too tight.

"I love you, Edward….I love you…", every time I said it, my voice got quieter. "I love you…I love you…_I love you…_I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…"

_Where do we go from here?_


	10. Too Fast

BPOV

I held Edward until the sun started to set. He pulled me onto his back and started running through the forest towards his Volvo when, suddenly, he stopped.

"Bella,…I have to apologize to you." He set me on my feet and ran his hands through his hair.

"For what, Edward? You've apologized enough." _I swear, I can't hear him say how sorry he is anymore, today._

"I just spent the last couple of hours sobbing about the pain that I've been through and…that wasn't fair to you. You didn't cause me _any _of that pain from…doing what I did. That wasn't your fault in the least! I just…I just wanted to make sure that you knew you did nothing wrong. Okay?" He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I know, Edward. But, please…stop apologizing to me. I really don't want to be reminded of how you left me, every fifteen minutes." I started walking away through the woods. When I heard the snapping of sticks behind me, I knew he was following.

Silently, we made it back to his car and we drove me home. We didn't say much to each other the entire ride. My heart felt like it skipped a beat when he reached over to rub circles on the top of my thigh. _Amazing…six years apart and he still makes me feel light headed. _My entire body started to feel warm from his touch when we turned the corner to my apartment. _Just a couple more minutes…maybe he'll continue what we started last night…mmm…_

"Uh-oh…Um…Edward…," There, in front of my place…was Jake's car. _Shit, shit, shit!!!_ "Maybe…maybe we should go somewhere else."

He looked in the direction of my gaze and must have caught on. The bumper stickers on his car were unmistakably his.

"Oh," He pulled up behind Jake's car and put the Volvo in park. _I'm really going to have to get my car one of these days. _"Bella,…why don't I just come back later? I'm sure he isn't going to be thrilled that I'm here. If he didn't know already, he knows now. He'll be able to smell me all over your apartment. Not to mention…"

"Not to mention what?" _Edward being here is going to be hard enough for him. _

Edward leaned over the center consul and whispered, "I _was_ in your bed, last night. I'm surprised he isn't down here ripping my doors off."

_Oh, Jesus…yeah…he was in my bed…kiss me, damn it! Kiss me! _I turned my head and brushed against his lips.

"Will you come back, tonight?" It was a barely audible whisper.

"If you want me to, I'll come back." He rubbed noses with me.

"I don't want you to feel obligated…" I sucked in a breath as his left hand cupped my cheek.

"You've never been my obligation, Bella. I'll give you my number, and you can text me when he's gone. I promise not to go far." I expected him to pull away and reach for his phone but he didn't move.

"Good." I was saying it response to him giving me his number and by not back away.

"Bella?" He moved closer.

"Hmm?" I didn't trust my voice.

"May I?" He rubbed his thumb over my lips.

"Please." My eyes closed awaiting his touch.

Edward's lips pressed fully against mine in a kiss that poured all of his thanks from that day into me. His right hand kept my face against him while his left hand traced the same circles in my thigh. The further the kiss went, the harder his touch became. He wasn't being too rough, never, just…adamant.

"You should go, Bella. I'll be back later." He pulled away from me and reached in his pocket for his phone. "What's your number, Bella?"

"Um…ugh…," _Great! I can't remember my own phone number. How does he do that to me?_

"You okay?" His question wasn't laced with concern it was laced with smug, cocky, humor.

"Yeah…it's 555-7834. Yours?" I pulled my phone out of my bag.

"222-0923. I'm looking forward to hearing from you, beautiful girl." He leaned over and kissed me once more before getting out his car and opening my door for me. _Perfect gentleman. _

"Good luck. Call me if he's trouble." Edward whispered in my ear before kissing my neck and getting back in his car. I watched his drive away and headed towards the door to the elevator.

My emotions were going haywire. I was incredibly stoked that Edward was back in my life, but we were acting as if nothing had ever happened. We were acting as if he never left and broken my heart. The man jaded my entire life. If it weren't for him, I would have moved on by now and been happy with Jake. _Wait…slow down, Bella…did you just say…? _Yes, Jacob has always been there for me. He has been incredibly patient with me for the last six years and never treated me like I was a burden. It's no wonder that I've recently been thinking of Jacob as more than my friend, though,…some people would call it lust. Maybe, it was just my hormones telling me that I seriously need to get some. He does have a beautiful body. _Stop it, Bella! _Honestly though, why did all of that change the second I saw Edward in the photo? Why did my feelings for Jake suddenly not matter anymore? I can't break Jake's heart, again…I just can't. He never asked for this and I can't treat him like yesterday's trash just because Edward was back in town. Furthermore, Edward has been acting a bit sure of himself with this relationship. It's moved way too fast for all the longer he's been here. It's barely been 24 hours for God's sake! But,…_he can't leave, again. I'm not sure that my heart would be able to heal if he disappears. I would fall apart and nobody, even Jake, would be able to piece me back together. _

I opened the door on the old elevator and stepped into my apartment. Like I expected, Jake was sitting on my kitchen counter, just glaring at me.

"Uh, hi." I tried to give him a fake smile, but I knew it was useless.

"Hi." He said nothing else.

"How was your night, last night?" I knew it was childish, but I was trying to remind him that he went home and shacked up with Samantha on a whim; the person who he was inadvertently calling a 'tramp' the night before.

"Fine." His gaze never left mine as I put my bad down and stepped out of my shoes. I just…waited. I moved across the large room and sat down on the sofa, curling my legs up beside me. When I reached for a magazine, he spoke.

"I know he's here, Bella. When Samantha returned to the club to clean up, she told me that you had a guy with you. Certainly, I was surprised because it doesn't sound like you to bring a random person home from a bar! So, I came over here to check on you and make sure you were alright only to find that you had already left and…that damn leach's _**scent **_was all over the place!: the couch, the kitchen, your damn bedroom, Bella! Don't tell me you…" I had to cut him off. I expected all his words but they still hurt.

"How dare you accuse me of doing something that _I know for a fact_ you did last night! It's not like you to take random strangers home from a bar, either, Jake. And, you left before I even knew Edward was there, so don't tell me it was some sort of revenge. I sure hope you found Samantha to be satisfactory!" I threw my magazine down and stomped towards my bedroom.

"What the Hell is he doing here, Bella and why were you with him all day? He's just going leave you, again, and you'll expect me to pick up the pieces. I can't wait…." He stopped in my doorframe, holding his hips and looking at the floor. His tone had calmed, considerably. "I've waited for you to get over him long enough. Just when I think we're making some sort of progress to a more romantic relationship…he comes back, and…you don't' think twice about being with him. Are you taking him back, Bells?"

My back was turned towards him as I dug pajamas out of my dresser. I couldn't bare to turn around and look into his sad, puppy eyes that I knew were awaiting me.

"I don't know." It was the truth.

"Why? Why is he so goddamn special to you? Why can't you see…Why…," he was stuttering. "What do I have to do, Bella?"

That was it. That last sentence made my entire heart twist in a knot. Without warning, a single tear slid down my cheek and I turned to face him. The look on his face was agony. I knew that Jacob has cared about me since I moved from Phoenix, but I always considered him more of a friend…until recently. It was easier to see things clearly when we were alone together, and Edward was nowhere near me. The reason I could never give Jacob my heart was because Edward's had it clenched, bleeding in his hands since the day he left me. Now, I felt like it was hanging in the air…just out of reach for anyone…Out of reach for Edward…Out of reach for Jacob…even myself.

"Jake, 'I don't know' is the best I can do. This all happened so far, I'm still trying to process it. And, nothing happened last night…it's embarrassing so I don't want to talk about it, but…we just spent the day talking." I looked back down at the floor.

"So, you don't know. Well, _I don't know _if I can wait on you anymore, Bells." He turned his back to me and walked away.

"Jake, wait!" I ran out of the room, managing not to trip over anything.

"I'm sick of waiting, Bella!" He stopped in front of the door and yelled at me. "God, for once…I'd like for you to feel an _ounce _of what I feel for you! He could _never _give you all the things that I could. _Never!_ You're older, Bella, but no less frail."

"He'd never hurt me." I meant for it to come out more bold, but failed.

"He already did!! He's successfully built emotional walls around you that nobody can break down, but what about physically?" Somehow I didn't notice the space between us becoming smaller.

"What do you mean? He's never hit me, Jacob." I crossed my arms in front of me, putting up a teeny defense. Jacob laughed at me. _He laughed at me!_

"That's _not_ what I meant."

Instantly, my legs were wrapped around his and I clung to his shoulders for dear life. Moments later, he had us backed against the elevator door and his lips were molded to mine for the first time. _It was…hot. _I don't just mean his body, either. Something about the way that Jake was kissing me reminded me of his strength and how he had become _a man!_ He didn't hesitate, or gently cup my face like Edward does. No, Jacob's entire body was pressed against mine and his tongue tracing my bottom lip, begging for entrance. _Who am I to deny that?_ My lips parted for him and his tongue fought with mine in a firey kiss. I'd never been kissed with so much passion before. Both of our breathing was labored and his right hand reach under my ass to hold me up while his left one stroked my sides.

"I'm guessing he doesn't kiss you like this?" He took a short breather to speak and attached himself to my lips, again.

"No." I managed to get out, but I didn't want to waste my time talking.

Jacob broke the kiss and sucked on the skin on my neck while grabbing my ass with his other hand.

"If he can't even kiss you, Bella…you'll never experience more (he slowly, but roughly thrust his hips against mine. _Oh, Jesus, Holy Hell!_) physical love with him." He continued his motions against me and I couldn't help but notice that he was at full attention and…_Damn…he should be proud of that thing. _

"You may have thought that I didn't want you in any other way than a friend but, clearly," we both moaned as he pressed against me even harder. "clearly you must see how sexy I think you are. Your becoming a woman hasn't gone unnoticed and I hope you don't think of me as a child anymore."

"No…No…I don't…," My eyes closed on their own accord as I tried to regulate my breathing.

"Good. Bella, all I ask is that…you think of me." He stopped his movements, much to my dismay, and I groaned at the loss of friction. "I can't force you to love me, but if I stand any kind of chance with you…I'll fight for it. I'll fight for us. Please, don't forgive him so easily." He set me on my feet and kissed me gently. It was a nice reminder that his love for me was as pure as Edward's and not his primal need for me. Though, that's never been an issue with Jake. He was my friend, first and foremost.

When he stepped away from me, I noticed that my vision had blurred. He asked me not to forgive him so easily. _Forgive who? Who was he talking about? Just kiss me, damn it…keep kissing me. _

Just then my phone rang. At first, I was going to ignore it, but Jake brought me my bag. When I found it, I had received a text from Edward:

_Edward: "You okay? Just making sure you're still in one piece."_

I sighed and looked up at Jake. All of my emotions were hitting me like a freight train: confusion, love, lust, annoyance, anger, bliss…they were all there.

"I'm going to go, Bella. Please, think about it. Think about me." He put his hands on my hips and lifted me for another kiss. Kissing Jacob wasn't awkward. I felt like we had been kissing like that for a decade and it was just something we did out of habit. _It was comfort. _I was comfortable with Jacob. He was _home _to me.

"I promise, Jake. And,…I'm sorry about everything…about the last 48 hours." He set me on my feet and opened the elevator door.

"Nah, don't apologize for all of that," he smiled at me. "I rather enjoyed sharing that tiny couch with you…no matter how uncomfortable we both were."

We both laughed. We can always make each other laugh. The elevator started going down and his smile never faded.

"Bye, Jake."

"Bye, Bells."

He hadn't even been out of my site for an entire minute before I was messaging Edward. _Why do I do that? He doesn't even cross my mind when I'm with Jacob, but once he's gone…it's I don't even hesitate to call him. What's wrong with me?_

_Bella: "I'm going to jump in the shower. You can let yourself in the apartment. Sam isn't here."_

_Edward: "Be there in 5. I miss you."_

_Bella: "Me too." _

Slow down, Bella…slow him down…too fast….way too fast… 


	11. No Restraint

BPOV

The shower was hot. I heat that enveloped my body reminded me of Jacob's hold on me. I knew Edward was waiting for me in the living room, but I had to take my time and clear my head.

Should I take Edward back so easily? I know, with every fiber of my being, that I'm in love with him. However, I have feelings for Jacob, too. Should I tell Jake to stop waiting on me and find someone else? He deserves to be happy and I'm afraid that he'll always be second best to me. I can't put him through that.

I sighed and shut the water off. Towel drying my hair, I checked my reflection in the mirror. _No bad, I guess. _I put on a blue night shirt that stopped just above my knees. It almost looked like the shirt that Edward was wearing last night. I l slipped on a pair of regular, white, cotton panties underneath it. I decided to forget about the bra, since I'd be taking it off before bed, anyway. _Was I hoping that Edward would notice? _ _*sigh* Edward…_ I brushed my teeth. I didn't need Edward to taste that Jacob had invaded my mouth. That was a conversation I'd save for another day. I was exhausted from dealing with my internal battle of love and lust, and wanted to relax for the rest of the night.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw Edward laying on the couch.

"Hi." I smiled at him.

"Hi, back." He sat up and swung his legs over the couch, slouching into it and holding his arms open to me.

_Really?_

I walked over to him and sat in his lap, facing him.

"So…is he mad?" He kissed my chin.

"A little. He has a good reason, though. You can't blame him." I ran my fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes.

"What's his reason?"

"I don't really want to talk about him, tonight. He exhausted every thought or idea I had in my head and I just want to relax." I leaned into his chest and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Okay. Are you okay, though?" His right hand rubbed my back and his left was resting on my thigh. _There I go, again. He's concerned about my well-being and all I can think about is his hand traveling higher up my thigh! Damn. Bella…get a grip!_

"MmmHmm." I leaned in and kissed his neck. _Mmm…he tastes so good. _He tasted different than Jake. Edward's skin and lips were sweet. They tasted like vanilla and cherries. I had to have another taste.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and, slowly, licked a line up the unnecessary vein in his neck. He let out a loud sigh and squeezed harder on my thigh. Taking that as encouragement, I started sucking on spots of his neck and the hollow below his ear.

"Bella…", did he realize he was egging me on?

I kissed a trail along his jawline to his lips. I planted a soft kiss on them and sat back. When he opened his eyes they were heavy and clouded with lust, much like mine were at that moment. It was then that I noticed both of his hands were resting high on my thighs. They were unintentionally (or was it intentionally?) pushing my night shirt up.

"So, what do you want to do?" His voice was low and husky. "Do you want to watch a movie…or just talk some more…or make-out like teenagers who have the house to themselves?" He raised an eyebrow at me. _Hmm…I wonder what I'll choose?_

"Hmm…I want to make out like teenagers, but…" I leaned in close to his ear. "I'm older now…and would rather make-out like an eager woman who hasn't had any attention given to her body in _ages_." I bit his earlobe and sucked it into my mouth.

I felt him let out a breath against my neck and his chest started heaving.

"Yes, you are a woman, but you have _no idea_ what it's like to have your body neglected _for ages._" He pulled my hips towards him and attached his lips to mine. Our bodies weren't connected where I wanted it most, but the kiss was so full of lust and passion that I was hoping it wouldn't take him long to pull me closer.

Small moans were coming from my mouth and being masked by the groans coming from him. We were parting out lips and our tongues were darting out, touch each other, but never invading each other's mouths. We kept up kissed like that for several minutes. He'd kiss me, pull back, go in for another kiss and quickly brush against my tongue before holding my lips against his, again.

"Mmm,…Edward?" He pulled back and I had to force myself to open my eyes. I'm sure my lips were swollen, but I didn't care. I could kiss him like that all night.

"Yes, Bella?" He brushed my drying hair out of my face.

"Not that I'm complaining or want you to stop, but…" I sighed. "You seem much more…or _much less _controlled than you used to be. Why is that?"

He smiled my favorite crooked smile. "I don't know, honestly. The temptation for your blood is still there, but…I've missed you so much that…I never want to live without you, again. I can't spend the rest of my life like I have spent the last 6 years. You're the only person who makes me happy and worth living this life. I could never hurt you like that."

_That's good to know. _

"Okay, that's nice to hear. But,…and, again, I'm not complaining, you're much more forward than you used to be." I blushed at what I was trying to convey without actually saying it.

"What do you mean?" He eyes furrowed like he was trying to read me.

"I mean,…this (I covered his hands with mine. They were still resting high on my thighs.), and this (I leaned in and kissed him the same way he had been kissing me.). I'm loving every second of it, don't get me wrong." I smiled and kissed him, again.

"Mmm, well,…" He squeezed my thighs right where they meet my hips. If he would push them a little bit higher, he'd reveal my panties. Secretly, I was cursing myself for not wearing something more sexy. "You're very hard to resist, Bella. I'm embarrassed to say that I can't help noticing how mature you are and…very, very…" he leaned in close to my ear. "sexy you've become." His hands slid up to my waist and he pulled my body closer to his.

_Oh, damn! _I could feel Edward's steel erection pressing me through his pants. Without any conscious effort, I moaned into his ear. _Is he always hard? If their bodies are always like stone statues, would that mean…?_

"Edward, I have a question." I breathily moaned in his ear.

"Anything, Bella." He kissed down my neck.

"It's embarrassing." My eyes were closed focusing on the attention he was giving me.

"I promise not to laugh. What do you want to know?" He popped open a button my pajamas and licked my collarbone.

"Mmm…um, is the rest of your body always….as…um…_hard_…as the rest of you…all the time?" I felt him smile against me.

"What do you mean, Bella?" His kissed started going back up my neck as he pushed my hips onto him further. That time, however, Edward moaned against me.

"I mean…this…" I rubbed the lower half of my body against his. "is this always hard or…" I trailed off, hoping he would understand and not make me finish that sentence.

"No, Bella…You're doing that to me. You always do that to me." His lips found mine, again, and we started a heated kiss.

Wanting friction, I started grinding against him. His hands found the buttons my shirt and started, slowly, unbuttoning them. Our kiss grew heavy. Those chaste kisses weren't happening, anymore. The more I rubbed against him, the further his tongue slipped into my mouth. I tried to fight ice with fire and slip my tongue into his mouth, but he stopped me.

"Don't, Bella. I don't want you grazing my teeth. This has to be done in _your mouth._" He winked at me and attached his lips to mine, again.

When Edward had successfully unbuttoned my shirt, he slid it off my shoulders without breaking the kiss. I felt exposed. _You are exposed, idiot. _My body felt a chill from Edward's touch, yet burned in between my legs.

He never broke the kiss. His hands started gliding up and down the sides of my body, gently stroking the sides of my breasts, but nothing more. I took the opportunity to take Edward's shirt off. Once it was over his head, he leaned back and stared at my body. The groan that escaped his mouth was too entirely sexy for me to handle.

My hands wrapped in his hair and I flung myself into a kiss. Thrusting against him, I felt one of his hands take it's rightful place on my breast.

"Mmm!" I moaned into his mouth.

"Bella…*kiss*…Bella…*kiss*…Slow down…", he pushed my hips away from his. I whimpered.

"Why?" I couldn't open my eyes to look at him. My face was burning from embarrassment.

"Please…I don't want to hurt you on accident. You're driving me crazy, here. I haven't been touched like this in…well,…ever. God, it feels good, but I can't risk hurting you." His head hit the back of the couch and he sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"You won't. I know you won't. Just a little more, please?" _Who am I? Am I begging him to touch me? Why am I begging at all? Snap out of it, sister!_

"Bella…I want to, believe me." He lifted his head to look at me. "You're stunning and too sexy for your own good. But I was about to…." He looked away for a moment and looked back at my body. "Let's just say, this is moving a little too fast."

"Edward…" It was a half moan, half sigh. I leaned forward and rested my head on his bare shoulder. This was entirely too much sexual frustration for one night.

His hand leisurely drew circles on my back and he kissed my shoulder.

"I love you, Bella. You deserve more than being felt up on your couch the day after your ex-boyfriend returns." He kissed my shoulder, again.

At this point, I was entirely frustrated. The wetness between my thighs was uncomfortable and my sensitive flesh was screaming for touch.

"But, you said you had a lot of making up to do." I sucked his earlobe into my mouth, again. "Think about how hot the make-up sex could be." I licked a trail down his neck and stopped at his collarbone, sucking on it.

"Ugh, Bella…That can't happen. I'd surely crush your body if we attempted that. Besides, I don't believe that sex could make everything better for you. You deserve to be spoiled and doted on for many, many centuries."

Did he just say centuries? Is he planning to… HOLY SHIT! Whoa, relax, Bella…don't scare him…just let it go…bring it up later…whew…okay, get a grip…

"Oh, but I think sex could make a significant improvement on my attitude." I kissed his jaw and his lips.

"Have you ever…I mean, you don't have to tell me, but…are you a virgin, Bella?" His eyes were concerned.

"Yes." He relaxed.

"Then, how do you know that it would make everything better?" He smiled at me.

"Oh, I'm fairly certain it would make me very happy!" I smiled back.

"Not tonight, Love. I respect you more than that."

"I'd like you to respect my body a little bit more." I lifted my hands above my head and stretched. Honestly, I didn't need to, but I was giving him a good look at what he's dismissing.

It worked. I heard a growl from his chest, and when I looked back at him his eyes were black.

"See something you like?" _Wow, I'm bold!_

"Forgive me, Bella." His eyes were locked on my chest. He grabbed my back and pulled me towards his body, making him face to face with my chest. "I have to." His mouth closed around my nipped and he teased it with his tongue.

"Oh, God!" Reflexively, I rolled my hips against his, causing him to moan.

Don't stop…please, don't stop…

****DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!! I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, BUT…I'M SO BUSY! REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU WANT THIS TO LEAD…I'M HAVING TROUBLES WITH WRITERS BLOCK! THANKS, LADIES!****

****MUCH LOVE****

**~MAE~**


	12. Chapter 12

_~~Don't stop…please, don't stop…~~_

_***_

"Mmm…," Edward moaned and pushed his hips into mine and I felt a prominent bulge beneath the denim.

I'd stopped thinking with my brain the moment that his hips met mine. _Oh, who am I kidding?_ For the last 24 hours, I have been responding solely to my body. If it wasn't my heart that was yearning for him, it was my body. At the moment, my body was taking over, again.

"Stop me," he murmured against my breast while I kept a steady rhythm against his groin.

I couldn't answer him. I've wanted this for so long and he's the only person that I'd ever wanted to physically be with. _Well, that is…until recently. _

_Damn it, Jacob! Why did you have to do this, now?_

I didn't want to be with Jake. I've never wanted to be with Jake, _right?_ I wanted the hands that were currently touching me. I wanted the man, and I use that term loosely, that was underneath me. _So, why am I sitting here, topless, with the man of my dreams and thinking about someone else?_

Because,…that same man of my dreams has been the occupant of my nightmares since the day he left me. _He left me. _Most nights that I've dreamt of him, I've woken up exerted and sad. He was either making love to me or walking away all over again. Even in those dreams where we were making love, I still felt empty. I knew that I couldn't keep him. We always made love on the floor of the forest…the same place I'd been broken. Even amongst our passionate moments in dreamland, I knew that all I had was that one night with him. He would be leaving soon after.

So, what is this? Will he leave me if I make love to him? Were my nightmares foreshadowing what would happen in reality? And, mostly, is it worth it?

"Edward!" I pushed myself back away from him and sat further down on his knees. Immediately, he pulled his hands back and ran them through his hair; resting his head on the back of the couch.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he groaned into his hands. "I don't know what came over me."

Now is your chance, Bella. Tell him. Tell him what happened with Jacob.

"Edward, I have to tell you something." My eyes were cast down, staring at his chest. Getting those words out was the easy part and it felt gutt-wrenching. _Great._

Edward removed his hands from his face and placed them back on my legs. All I could do was sit there and breathe, heavily. How was I supposed to tell him my feelings for Jacob and expect him to stay? Would he make me choose right away? Would he even let me get through my explanation before he fled? _No, no I can't do this._

"What is it, Bella?" He rubbed circles on my legs with his thumbs and cocked his head to the side, trying to read me.

"N…Nothing. I'm sorry." I gave a weak laugh and bit my lip.

"Truly, I'm sorry. I don't want to rush this." He pulled the back of his shirt up and over his head.

_What is he doing? He just said he didn't want to rush this! But…damn, that was dangerous…He looks good. . _

As I sat there ogling his bare chest, he slipped his shirt over my head and covered my naked torso. _Oh. _

Sitting forward, he kissed the tip of my nose and took a deep breath.

"I'm no different than I used to be, Bella. My morals are all the same and I have every intention of being nothing but a complete gentleman to you. The problem is," he laughed and shook his head, "you have got me drunk with passion. You're incredibly beautiful and, though you've grown up, you're still the same girl I fell in love with. I'm so comforted by your silent mind and unselfish love that I'm rejoicing in it. I know I don't deserve to be happy…especially where you are concerned, but Bella…I love you. Your happiness has me completely consumed. Every time you smile, I smile. Every time you laugh, I can't help but laugh, too. When you kiss me…God, the fact that you even want to is unbelievable," his head dropped to look at his lap.

_He does love me. He does want me. He…Oh. My. God. He's here!_

Suddenly, my entire world seemed to crash in around me and my entire life flashed before my eyes. During my blast from the past, I noticed that the only time I was truly whole…truly happy…was my short while with him back in Forks and the last 24 hours. My one true soul mate was sitting in front of me. I'd never even believed in soul mates until this moment. My heart sped up and I stared out the window behind his head.

"Bella?" He looked up at my face. "Bella, are you okay?" His right hand cupped my cheek.

I couldn't speak. The words I needed to tell him how I felt wouldn't come to me. I tore my eyes away from the view of the city and looked into his amber ones.

_He's real. _

I grabbed the back of his neck and yanked him to me. Our lips met in the most intense and needy kiss that I'd ever experienced. It had slipped my mind that it may have been too much for him. It was hard to remember what he was. At the moment, none of that mattered. His hands were all over me…tugging at the hem of his shirt and reaching around the grab my ass. I slid further down in his lap and when our most intimate parts met we both gasped.

"Bedroom," I barely was able to gasp before his lips captured mine, again.

Edward lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom without breaking our connection. He had just finished telling me that his morals had not changed, yet he was obeying my command and gently laying me on top of my mattress.

"You have to tell me what you're thinking, Bella. You're driving me crazy," he sat on his knees between my legs and stroked me down my thighs.

"Shut up and kiss me," I grabbed his hands and pulled him forward towards my body. Landing on top of me, he braced himself on his right arm while his left hand slid down my side and rested on my hip. The kiss was deep. I could feel the deep rumbling moans from his chest against mine.

"Ugh, Bella," he slowly rolled his hips against mine. "Please? Tell me what you're thinking."

It was very hard to keep myself focused. I didn't want to blurt out, _"You're so damn hot! I want you to make love to me, right now!" _I decided to do it more subtly.

"All I can think about are your lips, your body, and that I want them on me," I attached my lips to his when he tried to respond.

"Mmm, Bella, as much as I want this…," _Here it comes…the rejection. _

"Please, don't," I ran my hands down his bare chest and hooked my fingers into the top of his sexy, ass-hugging jeans.

He sighed and hung his head. I knew he was stopping us, but there was a still a glimmer of hope.

"Please, don't be mad. I'm doing this for us," he looked back into my eyes with a look of longing, begging, and regret.

How could I be angry with him? He had already taken things further than I ever expected him to. True, my body was screaming at me for attention, but I have kept it at bay for so long…one more night wouldn't hurt.

I leaned my head further back into my pillow and covered my eyes with my hands, "It's okay, Edward. I won't push."

I was expecting him to mumble his apologies and roll over to my side, but what I got was a deep growl. Removing my hands, I saw his onyx eyes on my chest. Apparently, when I raised my arms to cover my eyes, my breasts caught his attention.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this," I heard him say. He leaned down and kissed each one of my erect nipples, causing a jolt to run through my body. _Not helping. _"You'll kill me, yet." He winked at me and climbed off my body.

Instead of putting his shirt back on, I stayed in my panties and rolled onto my stomach. We both lay there, looking at each other, for what felt like hours. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, he whispered, "I love you, Bella."

"Mmm…," I was so tired I barely got out my moaned agreement.

***

"I love you, Bella," his eyes were looking at the dirt below us.

"_Mmm,…" I tried to open my mouth to tell him exactly how much I loved him, but nothing came out. My mouth wouldn't even open. _

"_But,…I know you don't have those feelings for me anymore. I was too late. I waited too long to come back to you and you've moved on. You have made your choice, and I accept that. I love you with all my heart. I hope that Jacob can love you half as much as I love you. He'll make you happy, Bella…I know he will. I promise not to complicate your life anymore. I'll miss you," Edward turned to walk away from me. _

_My mind was screaming at him, but nothing would come out of my mouth. Suddenly, a warm hand grabbed my shoulders and tugged me backwards. I knew it was Jacob, but I didn't want to take my eyes off of Edward. I knew he would disappear, again. _

"_He's gone, Bella. That leech can't come between us, anymore. We're free, Bells. Let's go home," Jake tugged me back, again. _

"_No!! No!!!" Finally, I found my voice! "Edward!!! Edward, come back!!! I love you, too!!! Edward!!?? Please!!!??" I started running into the forest, but my feel felt like bricks. They wouldn't carry me very far and not nearly fast enough. Jake's hands were pulling me backwards and my lead feet weren't carrying me far enough forward. I was stuck. I couldn't go forward and I refused to go back. _

"_Edward!"_

_***_

"Bella," I felt a cool hand graze my cheek.

"Edward!" I shot up out of bed and grasped the hand that was touching my face with a very firm grip. My heart felt like it would pound out of my chest. "Edward, don't go!"

"I'm here, Bella. Look at me," he crawled on his knees in front of me. He still hadn't put any more clothes on than he had when I fell asleep. His hands cupped my face, "I'm here."

"I love you!" There, I said it. The one thing I couldn't say before I fell asleep.

His warm smile graced his face, "I love you, too, sweet girl." He kissed my forehead and then my lips, softly. "May I ask what you were dreaming about?"

"I…um…," my breathing was still out of control. That dream conveyed my biggest fear: Edward would leave and I wouldn't have anything left to love anyone else, again. "It's just…um…"

"It's okay, love. Go back to sleep. It's only 4 o'clock and you need more sleep," he laid back down on the bed and opened his arms to me.

"I love you," I rested my body on his chest and tried to be soothed by the steady rhythm of his chest moving up and down.

"I love you, too," he drew circles on my back and kissed my head.

"I love you," I whispered into his skin.

"As I love you."

"I love you…"

"I love you, too."

"I love you."

"I'll love you forever, Bella."

"I love you," I started falling back into my slumber.

"I'll never leave you, again. I love you, too."

"I love…"

"Shh, you're everything to me, Bella. I love you more than life. Sleep."

"I…"

****Okay! I've taken a break from my home renovation to give myself, at least, one therapeutic writing day per week! I hope you guys haven't given up on me. I'm sorry it has taken so long to get back into this. I feel horrible all the things I have been slacking on, but…growing up is hard to do. Leave a review. I'm trying to get back into this story.****

****Much Love****

**~Mae~**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, since I have been absent for so long, I thought I would delight you all with a longer chapter and a tasty, tasty ending! The story isn't over…don't panic! I'll be writing much more often, now. Don't forget to review. I'm so happy that you guys haven't given up on me!!**

****Much Love****

**~Mae~**

My body felt completely at ease. I could feel the sun in my face and knew that I had slept longer than I had anticipated. My phone was vibrating on my nightstand, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from Edward. _Edward. Wait…where is he?_

I lazily turned over and found the other side of the bed empty. Immediately, my heart went into panic mode. I had thought I had dreamt him the day before, so why wouldn't God play this cruel joke and let my fantasy act out another day?

The tightening in my stomach was almost too much. I was about to bolt to the bathroom when I saw it sitting on the end table- _a rose. _

A smile lit up my face, instantly. I leaned over and lifted it to my nose…taking a deep breath. _Wonderful. _Underneath, was a simple piece of torn computer paper with Edward's elegant script on it.

_Bella,_

_Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up, but my brothers were practically beating down your door to get me out hunting with them.. Apparently, Alice had a vision. I will be back as soon as I can. I wasn't sure what your plans are for the day, but I'd like to see you tonight. I'll call you when I get back. _

_I'm missing you every second. _

_I love you, sweet girl,_

Edward

My smile couldn't have been wider as I fell back onto my bed, smiling at the ceiling and smelling my new favorite flower. Visions of my future life started flashing before my eyes. They all included Edward. They all included a smile on my face. And, they all included the bed that I was currently laying in. _Life is good. _

***Buzz Buzz* *Buzz Buzz***

"Ugh!" I groaned as I leaned over and checked my phone. Jake had called me five times and Samantha had called me twice. _What is going on?_

I hit the send button and called Jake back.

"Bella!" Jake's voice sounded irritated.

"There better be some kind of emergency," I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Did you forget what today is?" He waited.

"Monday?" I checked my alarm clock to be sure that today was, indeed, Monday.

"Yes, Monday. What obligation do you fulfill every year around this time at the hospital?" _Oh shit!_

"Damn it! I'm so sorry! I'm on my way!" I jumped out of bed and ran to my closet to find some clothes.

"Don't rush, Bella. We've barely gotten started. I tried to get things organized for you, but I'm not very good at this sort of thing. Right now, they're just writing cards," Jake's voice mellowed, greatly.

"Thanks, Jake. I'll be there as soon as I can. Love you," I grabbed my gray Chucks and threw them on the bed.

"Love you, too, Bells. Get here. Bye," I heard a click on the other end of the line.

Deciding that I should probably dress more decent than the jeans, hoodie, and converse that I had picked out, I pulled out an ivory skirt that hit just above my knees, a pale pink sweater and black flats. I put some gel in my hair to create a few waves and brushed my teeth. Finally, I took a few seconds to bronze my face and throw on some mascara and ran out the door.

My senior year of high school I volunteered at Forks hospital to gather a group of patients together and send care packages to our Troops. I've done it every year. I can't believe that I forgot about it. _I feel like a terrible human being. _Every day our troops are fighting for their lives and ours, and I can't even remember to show up to the hospital for them. _Ugh, get it together, Bella!_

I found a parking spot fairly close to the entrance. Luckily, Forks hospital was never very populated. Most of the patients that helped were older patients who spent most of their time there. We also had other volunteers come to help, as well. When I walked through the doors, the tables were all separated and all the items we were sending were on designated tables. In the far corner, there were tables set up where people were working on personalizing Holiday cards.

"Bella, did you get any Christmas cards or just Holiday cards?" Samantha was helping an older gentleman find Hanukah cards.

"No," I sat my bag down. "I didn't want to offend anybody, so I just got vague holiday cards."

Jake came striding over to me. He walked with such confidence and never broke eye contact. Suddenly, the events that took place before Edward showed up last night started flooding back. My heart started pounding in my chest and I felt very nervous. I couldn't decide, however, if it was because that's the way he makes me feel or because I was hoping he wouldn't kiss me again.

"Sorry I'm late, Jake," I looked at my feet.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. Did you sleep well?" I glanced up at him and noticed a slight smirk before his face turned more serious, again.

"Yes, I did," I blushed, but not for the reason I'm sure he was thinking.

"Good," he stood there and stared at me. I would meet his eyes for a few seconds and then look down at my feet, again. He was about to say something else when I loud crack of thunder shook the entire building the lights flickered.

"Holy shit!" I jumped and grasped my chest, trying to catch my breath.

"That rolled in fast," Jake walked over to the door and looked outside.

"Is it supposed to be storming in November?" I walked beside him and looked out the same door. Sure enough, there were billowing, black clouds looming over Forks.

"It's definitely not normal, but it isn't unlikely," he jumped as a flash of lightening hit very close to the hospital. "We probably shouldn't be standing here." He led me back into the cafeteria to help with the packages and keep my mind off the storm.

It was hard to focus. I was trying to concentrate on my Holiday Cards and delegating people to different stations, but I was concerned about Edward. I knew it was ridiculous. He could be struck my lightening, have a tree fall on him and be thrown by a tornado and still come out without a scratch, but…he's my Edward. I couldn't help but worry about him.

"Penny for your thoughts," Jake bumped shoulders with me and smiled.

"It's nothing. I'm just thinking about the weather," I wrapped another bow around a box of candy and put it in the box.

"You're worried about the weather? I thought you liked storms," Jake put another phone card in the box.

"It's just something about today," I sort-of lied, but not really.

I saw Jake glance to the side at me and his lips set in a thin line. At that moment I knew that he had figured out why I was so upset. I was about to say something to him about last night when my stomach growled. _What is with all the interruptions when I try to talk to him? _

"You should eat," he walked away and grabbed me a salad and Diet Pepsi. When he came back, he dropped it on the counter in front of me and walked out of the cafeteria. _Great…_

I ate by myself, sometimes answer questions about where the gifts were going and why we added certain things. The entire thing with Jacob was bothering me. I never wanted Edward's return to come between me and my best friend, but it looked like Jacob didn't have the same plans.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out. It was Edward.

"Hello?", I was happy to hear from him but I was exhausted and confused about my day with Jake.

"Hi, beautiful. What's wrong?" I could hear the storm echoing in the phone.

"Nothing…just life. I'm assuming you are home?" I took another swig of my Diet Pepsi.

"MmmHmm. I came back early to see you. What are you doing?"

Casually, I explained to him how I'd helped at the hospital every year for this project.

"So, you're in Forks? That's great. I'd love for you to stop by when you leave," we both paused. Of course, I wanted to go but I thought I should talk to Jake first. "Or…we don't have to hang out if you don't want to…"

"No, no. I'll come over after I'm finished here. It won't be much longer. It's just…Edward, I should really talk to Jake before I come over. Something happened with him last night before you stopped by and I really need to talk to him about it," it came out in a rush, but at least I got it out.

"Did he hurt you, Bella?" Edward's voice was rigid with anger.

"No!" _Anger. _I was completely in love with Edward, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't defend my best friend till the very end of time. Jacob could never hurt me and it made my blood boil to think that Edward would assume such a thing. "He would never hurt me, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. What happened?" He seemed nervous and hurt. Part of me though t he already knew from the tone of my voice. He is Edward, after all. He's capable of anything.

"I'll explain later. I'll text you when I'm on my way," I pushed my salad around the make-shift, plastic bowl.

"Um, alright. Bella?" Okay, he seemed _very _nervous.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." My gut wrenched at the sadness in his voice. I didn't want him to be miserable.

"I love you, too. Thank you for the flower and note this morning," I smiled at the thought so he must be too.

"You're very welcome. I'm sorry I wasn't there," his tone lost it's spunk near the end of the sentence.

"It's okay. I'll see you tonight."

"Bye, love." He hung up the phone and I set my phone on the table.

Honestly, I didn't want to face Jacob, but I thought he deserved an explanation. I'd rather just go straight to Edward's house and spend some alone time with him.

"All of the boxes are together, Bella!" Samantha was clapping her hands together beside the stacks of boxes. We had successfully put together 100 packages. I wish we could send some overseas to every single soldier, but we just didn't have the money.

"Great. Thank you all for coming to help with this. I'm sure all of the packages and cards will be appreciated. Please, inform your friends and family and encourage them to send packages themselves," I stood up and threw away my food.

Several people hugged me and thanked me as they left the hospital to go on with their daily lives.

"Thanks, Samantha," I hugged her and helped her with her bag.

"No problem! I feel good about myself," she smiled and walked towards the door. "Have you seen Jacob?"

"Not lately, why?" _Not this again. _

"Well, he mentioned something about going to dinner after this whole thing was over. I just wondered if he was still up for it," she glanced at her phone.

"Yes, I'm up for it," Jake entered the room and shot a menacing glair at me while he walked towards Samantha.

Hmm. That figures. Why should I feel sorry for him when he's making out with me and proclaiming his love one minute and then sneaking off to be with my roommate the next. Ugh! I hate men. They're so complicated.

"Have fun," I turned around and threw some scissors and tape into a cardboard box and closed it.

"I'll be out in a minute, Sam," Jake opened the door for her and I heard footsteps walking back towards me. "You know, Bella, it doesn't have to be this way."

"What way is that, Jake?" Okay, so it was my turn to be short with him.

"I don't care about her, Bella. We're just having fun together. I want to be with you," he grabbed my wrist.

Oh!! So, I'm supposed to want to be with you when you're clearly using Samantha for sex and are prepared to dispose of her like yesterday's trash if I say I want you too? What happened to you, Jake?" I turned back around and leaned on the table.

"You got into me, Bella!" I jumped when he yelled. I knew he would never hurt me, but he was rather intimating in his stature. "I can't be jerked around like this. My heart belongs to you but my body is dying for attention. I'm sorry that I'm not as pathetic as your leach and remain abstinent for hundreds of years, but I'm a man! Samantha and I had too much to drink one night and she was more than willing to take care of me. I would never _dispose of her_ as you so adequately put it. She knows what this is to me. You know Samantha, too. She isn't looking for anything more than a fuck buddy," he turned me around, again.

It was shocking to hear Jacob talk in those terms. It almost made me feel like I didn't know him at all.

"Bella, I want everything from you and you know that I will give you everything in return," I met his eyes.

"And if I can't," I felt the tears prickling my eyes.

"It would break my heart," he wiped a tear away.

"I can't handle this…," I pushed his arms away and went to grab my bag.

"Yeah, it's so hard," uh-oh, Bad Jacob is back. "I've been here for you through everything and he's been…where?…oh, NOT HERE!" he started storming off towards the door.

"I hope she's worth the 10 minute satisfaction, Jacob!" I screamed after him as he walked through the door.

Slowly, I gathered my things and left a note for the packages to be picked up in the morning. As I sat in my car preparing to call Edward I broke down. I started sobbing so heavily that I felt like a small child was sitting on my chest. I felt like I didn't have any friends. Samantha was spending all her time with Jacob and Jacob didn't seem to want anything to do with me if it wasn't romantically. _My entire world is closing in around me. _

I couldn't stand to have Edward hear my shaky voice, so I sent him a text instead.

'On my way' ~ Bella

'_Can't wait. Be careful.'~ Edward_

'_I will.' ~ Bella_

***

When I pulled into the Cullen's driveway, Edward was waiting on the front porch. I'm sure he heard me coming down the road and in a way it made me happy. In another way, it upset me because I didn't have time to check my face and make sure he couldn't tell I'd been crying. _Oh, who am I kidding? He's Edward. He would be able to see it in my eyes if I were crying three days ago. _Nevertheless, I shut the car off and checked my mirror to look at my face. _Yep, I'm fucked. _

The car door opened and Edward peaked his head in, "I'll kill him."

I couldn't help but laugh. That reaction didn't was and wasn't like Edward.

"No you won't," I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car.

"So, it is about him. Care to talk?" He shut my car door and walked beside me up to the house. Every single light in the house was on, but no Cullens were in sight. I guess they wouldn't have to worry about an electric bill. If that were Samantha leaving lights on in our apartment, I would have flipped.

"Talk?" I sighed. "Yes…we need to talk."

He opened the front door for me, "I have to admit, Bella, I'm a little nervous about what you have to tell me. I mean, I know this relationship between us came on a little strong and I know little about what you've been up to for the last 6 years, but…I've always been jealous and threatened by Jacob Black when it comes to you." He led me into the family room and we both took a seat.

"Are you hungry, Bella?" He looked like he was about to get up.

"No. I just ate," I sat back into the couch. "Do you have to sit so far away?"

He smiled at me and moved to my side, "That makes me feel a little better." He kissed my forehead.

"What I have to tell you isn't as bad as you probably think it is. It's just…ugh," I leaned my head in my hands and stared at the floor. "he has the worst timing and suddenly he's being the biggest jerk to me."

"What happened? Start at the beginning. I'm listening," He lifted my right hand into his and started making circles with his thumb.

"Okay…as you know, Jake has always been my best friend. He was there for me when nobody else was. He was also the only person I could talk to about _our_," I gestured between us, "situation. It helped that he knew you were a vampire. For the last 6 years, Jake has been my right-hand man. Nothing was complicated…it was just…_us. _Opening night of the club, he ended up driving me back here b/c I was…well,…" I gave a nervous laugh.

"You were drunk, Bella," he laughed, too. "I was there."

"Right. So, anyway, we came back here and he took his place on the couch. It was the first time I had…," I stopped and glanced at Edward, "Don't get upset. Let me explain all of this. And, please…don't run away from me."

I had to get it all out. My worst fear was that he would tell me I was better off with Jake and he would leave me, again.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella," his voice was firm and steady, but I could see the confusion and worry in his eyes.

"It was the first time I had looked at Jake as more than a friend. I'll admit…it had a lot to do with lust seeing as I had witnessed him stripping down to his boxers in my living room," I paused at the vision that was playing out in my mind. _Damn hormones! _Edward didn't move or change facial expressions. "Anyway, nothing happened. We fell asleep on the couch and the next day is when I saw you in a picture at the club."

"Wait, what?" I forgot that I didn't tell Edward about my knowing he was there.

"I printed pictures on my computer from opening night and I saw you in the background of one of the shots. The night you showed yourself, I already knew you were in town, but I didn't know if you'd come back," he nodded in understanding. "Back to Jake. As if you can't imagine, he was a little upset when he realized you were back. The problem is that he decided to tell me that he wants me last night. When I walked into the apartment, he was livid. He started screaming at me about getting back together with you, basically telling me I was stupid. This next part is the part I don't want you to overreact about," I glanced at him.

He leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss, pulling away much too quickly.

"He kissed me last night," there, I'll leave it at that.

Edward stared at me for a second. He seemed to be collecting his thoughts. "How did he kiss you?"

"On the mouth?" I knew he wanted more details than that but I was hoping to avoid it. Those plans obviously weren't going to work, though, because he gave me an expecting glare to continue.

"Ugh, okay…He-backed-me-up-against-the-elevator-and-picked-me-up-so-my-legs-were-wrapped-around-his-waist-and-sort-of-started-grinding-against-me-while-he-kissed-me," I burst that out in a rush and closed my eyes, tightening my grip on his hand in case he decided to bolt. I waited to him to reply…and waited…and waited.

I took a chance and opened my eyes only to see him staring at the wall at the other end of the room.

"Edward?" My voice was timid.

"Do you love him, Bella?" He didn't look at me.

"Huh?" He looked back at me. His eyes looked sad. "No,…no, not like that. He's my best friend even though he is acting like an idiot, so in a way I do love him. But, my heart belongs to you."

He didn't smile at my response, much to my dismay.

"Did you like the kiss?" _How did he expect me to answer that when he is staring right at me?_

"It was…unexpected. I was caught off guard and it all happened so fast. I…" I looked at him, "I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want you to leave and I don't want to lose my best friend, either."

"I'm not leaving you, Bella," he looked down at my hands. "If he made you choose…"

I cut him off, "I choose you, Edward. If he were really my friend, he wouldn't make me choose in the first place. He means so much to me, but if something like this will cause him to ignore me all together than I guess he means more to me than I mean to him. Besides that," my voice got a rigid tone. "he's been sleeping with Samantha and I think they _actually _had a date today."

"You don't seem happy about that," he started playing with my hair.

"I'm not. They're both my friends, but they both have such different qualities. I don't know if Sam is capable of a relationship and Jake…I don't want him to get attached and find her screwing some guy in the bathroom at the club one night," I still couldn't meet his eyes.

"You're right. He shouldn't make you choose and if he does…I'm not giving up, Bella. I want you and I'm here as long as you want me, too. If tell me to back off, I will, but I will never be far. I'll always be around to be sure that you're all right and protect you. You're me entire life," he had turned my chin and looked into my eyes. "I love you, Isabella Swan."

"So you're not mad at me?" I still had to ask.

"No," he laughed. "I'm not mad at you. Can you relax so I can kiss you?" His smile was reaching his ears.

"Yes," I matched his smile and he leaned in to kiss me.

His cool lips were practically burning mine. Both of his hands were locked around my face and he was kissing me hard. Briefly, he pulled back and when he came back in his lips were parted_. Who am I to deny this man anything?_ I parted my lips and he gently slid just tongue just past my lips so that I barely registered it was there. His kisses are amazing. They're intense, but I don't feel like he's trying to feast on my face.

Edward's hands slid down my neck and traced my collarbone. His touch made me shudder and I felt it right down to my core. How this man is capable of making me want to strip my clothes off so he can have his way with me is beyond me. I knew he wasn't as comfortable with that idea as I was, but I have a feeling he'll wear thin.

"Can I get you anything?" He kissed me again. "Are you thirsty?" *Kiss* "Hungry?" *Kiss* "Cold?" *Kiss* His hands slid further down and rested on my hips as he leaned into me. I allowed this and fell backwards against the arm of the couch. It wasn't incredibly comfortable, but I'd never tell him that.

"No, no…more kissing," I slid my right leg behind him so that he could lay in between my legs.

Slowly, he lowered himself down to me, but rested his stomach against me instead of what I really wanted to be pressed there. The kisses deepened and I felt like the sound of my breathing was the loudest thing in the room. Involuntarily, I raised my hips against him and caused the grip on his hand to tighten.

"Bella," His voice was cracking. "I am completely overcome, right now. I'm afraid if we take this further I'll be entirely selfish and it won't be as pleasurable for you as I want it to be."

What is he talking about?

"Please, Edward? Don't pull away," I wrapped my hands in his hair and pulled him closer.

"I don't want to, Bella. That's what scares me," he pleaded against my lips.

"Don't worry about my pleasure, Edward. Your pleasure is my pleasure," it sounded cheesy, but it was true. My mind was completely foggy and something more clever wasn't coming to mind.

"No sex, Bella," he kissed down my neck. "I'd like to think that our first time won't be on Esme's couch in the middle of the day right after you told me another man kissed you," despite his message, he kept kissing and sucking on my neck.

I was too far gone. He had to give me something.

"Then let me the edge off for you," there, I said it. This time it cause his kisses to stop.

"What?" _Speechless. Hmm…at least he didn't deny me, right away._

Deciding to show him, I unraveled my hands from his hair and slid them down his sides to the button on his pants. I was dying to see what I've already felt against me.

"Bella!" He practically growled at me, but he didn't pull away.

"Please, Edward? I want to do this for me, too," I popped the three buttons on his button-fly jeans.

"I…Bella, I…I have to admit something to you, first," he closed his eyes and stopped my hand with one of his.

"Hmm?" If I were stronger, I would have yanked my hand away and shoved it down his pants.

"I haven't…ugh, there is no sexy way to say this. I haven't had a release in a very, very long time," he opened his eyes and look at me.

"Ever?" I had to ask.

"Well, no…I have, but the last time was before you were even born," I gawked at him.

"How?" I mean, seriously, I don't masterbate that often, but I definitely haven't fought the urge as hard as he has.

"It's a long, boring story of my self-loathing. The point is, I don't know how this is going to make me feel and," he paused. He was about to give me the 'fear of hurting you' speech, again.

"I know, Edward. You won't hurt me and if you do I'll tell you," I sighed and leaned my head back against the couch, again.

He laughed, nervously, "That wasn't what I was going to say, Bella, but I would appreciate you telling me, none-the-less. What I was going to say is I'm going to be incredibly embarrassed if I don't last more than 5 seconds after you touch me," he gave another little laugh and looked passed me at the couch. "It might happen."

"I'll consider that a compliment then," I didn't miss a beat. His eyes snapped back to mine and I gave him a devious smile.

"You are a lot more bold, Miss Swan," he gave me his dazzling smile and let go of my wrist.

I started sliding my fingers into the waistband of whatever kind of underwear (**a/n – I hate that word!!) **he was wearing.

"I apologize, in advance, love," he let out a gust of air and his lips attacked mine. You would think that it would be hard for me to concentrate while he's kissing me so thoroughly, but I was on a mission. Edward was sucking on my lips giving me barely audible moans.

Sliding my hand completely under his waistband, I gently ran my fingers down to the base. Edward's body jerked and he opened his mouth against mine emitting a sexy grunt. That's all it took for me to become completely aroused. And, _damn he feels good in my hand. _My fingertips barely touched around his length. He was perfect from head to toe.

"Tell me what to do, Edward," I wanted so badly buck my hips against him, but I refrained. This was about him. I squeezed him and pumped my hand up and down once.

"That," he grunted. "Keep doing that." His eyes were closed and his lips were parted. He was holding himself up with his forearms and leaning more towards his left side. His right hand was still on my hip.

Obeying orders, I began a rhythm with my hand, stopping to spread around the liquid that had formed on his head.

"Oh my God," his head fell against my shoulder.

My ego was soaring! I continued my ministrations and turned my head to the side to nibble on his ear.

I nearly came, myself, when Edward's hips started meeting my rhythm.

"Bella,…ugh!" his hand slid off my hip and gripped the couch. _See, I knew he couldn't hurt me. _

"Mmm, Edward, you feel so perfect," I whispered in his ear. I loved seeing him come undone. It didn't happen very often.

"Ugh!" he grunted against my shoulder. "Faster,…please…I…"

I pumped my hand faster and his hips met every thrust. The delicious moans that were coming out of his mouth had my panties completely soaked through.

"Like this?" I couldn't help it, my hips had started thrusting in time with his. I was barely brushing against my own wrist, but I couldn't fight the urge.

"Yessssss….My God you smell so good, Bella," _uh-oh. He's losing control of himself. _

"Do you want me to stop, Edward?"

"Please don't," he kept thrusting his hips against my hand.

"Are you sure it's safe?" At that point, I wasn't even sure I cared. I felt delirious.

"I….Mmmm….I wasn't talking about your bloodddddd. UGGHH!!" He thrust his hips against my hand harder. That's when it hit me. The skirt I was wearing wasn't causing much of a barrier between the wetness between my legs.

"I can't…Ugh….," He pulled my hand off of him pulled me down further on the couch, attaching his lips to mine, again.

Faster than I could fully process, he had pushed my skirt up around my waist and layed flush against me, resuming the same thrusting speed we had before. _IT. FELT. INCREDIBLE!_

"Ooohh!" I moaned into his mouth and wrapped one hand in his hair and the other grasped his forearm. His hands had found a new home, as well. His right hand had slid underneath my butt and was lifting me up to meet his thrusts while his other hand was holding his body up. Apparently, it got to be too much for him.

"Mmm…Mmm…Mmm…," He moaned with every thrust. "You really did enjoy doing that, didn't you? You're so damn wet. Ugh." He rested his forehead against mine.

"Yes! Yes! Please, don't stop. I'm…Auugghh!!" My pleasure had come on so quickly and before I knew it, I was flying over the edge to the most incredible orgasm I've ever had. I grasped his tighter and tried to savor every second of an Edward-induced orgasm.

"Jesus…Bella, I'm….I'm…," the look on his face almost looked like agony. I'd barely opened my eyes. I didn't want to miss that.

"Let go, Edward…for me," his mouth fell open and his head fell back to my shoulder. I felt his hand leave my hip and grab his erection.

"Fuck! Ugh!!!!" Two things happened simultaneously. The words flying out of Edward's mouth had overcome me and I slipped my hand down into my panties and pinched my clit, causing another wave to wash through my body. At that exact moment, Edward came all over the outside of my panties, on my arm and the underside of my dress. _It was amazing. _

We both rested there, basking in the afterglow and slowing our breathing. I was suddenly exhausted and could have fallen asleep with him laying against me, easily.

He lifted his head and looked at my flushed face, "You're more than amazing. I'm sorry if I hurt you and I'm sorry about your dress…," he looked embarrassed.

"No…YOU are amazing, Edward. And, don't worry about my dress. I wouldn't have traded this moment for the world," he leaned down and kissed me and sat back on his heals. I glanced down at him. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen him. I'd felt him but never looked at him. He caught me staring.

"Eh-hem?" I looked up and felt my face catch fire.

"I'm sorry," I laughed. "You're just so…ugh, I don't' even know how to describe how beautiful you are."

"Likewise, love," he winked at me and buttoned his pants. "I'll be right back. Don't move."

Edward returned seconds later with a towel from his bathroom and cleaned me off. I couldn't help but jump at the contact when he rubbed against my core.

"Easy, Bella. I'm completely insatiable," he smiled at me. "I'd be happy to do that again…and again…" he leaned down and kissed me.

"See, you had no reason to be embarrassed, Edward. I was the one who lasted 5 seconds," I shook my head in shame.

"Well," he helped me to my feet and adjusted my skirt. Leaning down, he kissed my nose. "I'll just take that as a compliment."

*******Hit THAT LITTLE REVIEW BUTTON!**** love you all!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N) We need to bring back the dry hump. Haha. That doesn't happen nearly enough when a couple has been together for awhile. Once you cross that "barrier"…men just fly right past the dry hump. I'm not happy about that…it needs to be revived. **

**Sorry that it's been so long…life, ya know?**

"_See, you had no reason to be embarrassed, Edward. I was the one who lasted 5 seconds," I shook my head in shame. _

"Well," he helped me to my feet and adjusted my skirt. Leaning down, he kissed my nose. "I'll just take that as a compliment."

**BPOV**

(Monday Night)

The Cullens were out hunting and the club wouldn't open again until Wednesday night. There was no point in going home. I didn't want to chance running into Jake, especially if he was with Samantha. This afternoon had been so perfect that I didn't want to ruin it.

I was drifting back into consciousness and sighed happily.

"Nice nap?" Edward's melodic voice drifted into my thoughts.

"Mmm," was my only response.

Edward's hands were lazily gliding up and down my back while I rested on his chest. After our little romp earlier, he gave me some of his sweats and a t-shirt to put on. He apologized for not having anything that fit me better, but I'd take baggy sweats that smell just like him over anything else. I'd felt so relaxed that I instantly fell asleep in his arms when we made our way back to the couch. I would have rather stayed up in Edward's old room, but he didn't have any furniture up there. In fact,…they didn't have much furniture anywhere.

"Edward?" I drew little circles on his chest and never met his eyes.

"Yes, Love?" He kissed the top of my head.

"Why don't you guys have much furniture here?" His hesitation caused my hands to stop their tracing and my heart to stop beating. "Edward?"

He sighed, "Well,…we can't really set up residence here, Bella."

My heart sank. I felt like a two ton steel weight had been dropped on my chest and I struggled to breathe.

"Oh." I couldn't make another sound. I felt the tears sting my eyes and knew that if I blinked they would fall to his shirt.

"Please understand, Bella. That doesn't mean that I'm leaving you. I meant it when I said that you're all I live for. I'll never ever leave you again," He squeezed me into a hug and kissed my head again.

"So…how is this going to work?" I pushed up on my elbow and looked at him. His eyes looked concerned but happy. The slight smile playing on his lips calmed my nerves, but only slightly.

"I've considered a few things. At first, I'd wanted to stay here without my family so I could be close to you. The family is actually looking for another place of residence in Montana at the moment," he leaned forward in a sincere gesture.

I didn't want his family to leave anymore than I wanted Edward to leave. They were my family.

"Why won't that work, Edward?" My breathing was deep and heavy.

"I can't stay in Forks, Bella. Somebody would recognize me even if I only go out to drive to your place. There are a lot of hunters around here that illegally use this land. If they saw that this house was occupied it would raise a lot of questions. I should be 23 years-old, Bella. While most people wouldn't notice a difference right away, they would notice that I don't have a job but still live in the lap of luxury. It would raise a lot of questions," he waited for me to process.

"So…where are you going?" I didn't mean for my voice to crack but it did. A single tear slid down my face.

"I don't know, yet. It's possible that I could stay in a hotel in Seattle. Many businessmen do it for months at a time while traveling," He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"That sounds miserable. Why don't you just stay with me? It's not like Samantha can complain about you being a nuisance. You don't eat, don't sleep, you're great eye-candy, and we have plenty of space," that was the option that I really wanted him to consider.

"Eye candy?" He smiled at me. "What exactly is eye candy?"

"You're hot, Edward. Very pleasing to the eye," I felt my face burn and he stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Ah, well, I had thought about living with you if you had suggested it. I wouldn't have brought it up on my own, considering we've had a solid three days to process my…return," He looked down at me and I smiled up at him, hopeful. "However," my face fell. "That's no going to work, either. Bella, Samantha doesn't know what I am. It's not easy to hide when I have to stay indoors all the time, I don't eat, I don't sleep, and I leave in the middle of the night for hours and maybe days at a time. She'll get suspicious. Staying with you for a few days is doable, not for the long run," he ran his fingers through my hair.

It hadn't escaped my attention that he has continuously been touching me.

"Then I'll move. We can find a place to stay together. She doesn't need me there. Hell, she's never there as it is!" My heartbeat was erratic. I was desperate to find a solution for all of this. It's not like he had any obligations, did he?

"There's more, Bella," he sat up and pulled me into his lap to face him. "I have been away from my family for a long time. While, I'd much *kiss*, much *kiss*, much *kiss* rather be with you 24/7, they miss me. I admit that I miss them, as well," he wiped the tears out of my eyes. I was openly sobbing, now. I knew what was coming. "But, they're not heartless. They know that there is no me without you."

I grabbed locks of his hair, full force, and pulled him to me. His admission that he was going to Montana was coming soon and I didn't want to hear it. I wanted him to stay in that damn hotel in Seattle to be near me. I wanted to be selfish. Honestly, with everything he put me through, I think I had a right.

Edward tugged on the back of my hair and leaned back to let me breathe.

"Bella, I have to go to Montana with them," he was looking at the ceiling.

"But,…but…you said…," I started choking on my words and tried climbing off of his lap, but his firm grip left me planted in his lap.

"Let me explain," he pleaded with me and wrestled me to keep me in his arms.

"No! No! You said you'd never leave me, again! God, how foolish am I?" I continued my struggle. "I can't believe that I was stupid enough to trust you, again. How could you?…How?…" I was speaking with my eyes closed, unable to meet his stare.

"Bella, please let me explain! I'll see you as much as I can!" he wrestled me to the ground and climbed over me so I was pinned underneath him.

"When, Edward?" I finally met his eyes. "When? Are you planning on attending school there? Did Carlisle get a job? What? How exactly are you planning on seeing me? And, how can I trust that you will? You may leave with them and never return!"

I started gasping for breath…I was hyperventilating.

"Calm down, Bella. Please, baby, calm down," he was trying to caress my face, but I was thrashing about below him.

"Don't call me that!" I choked out.

"Come with us, Bella," I stopped thrashing, but my breaths were still short. Suddenly, my entire body felt exhausted.

"I…I…I don't know if I can, Edward," I focused on his words and the calming of my breaths.

"I know this is all moving fast, Bella, but…the one thing I'm sure of is that I want you. And, I realize that it's unfair for me to ask you to leave this life that you've built for yourself, but I want to be with you more than anything. No,…I have to be with you, Bella. It sounds very "Jerry McGuire", but you…complete me. I won't ever be whole without you in my life," he dropped his head to my shoulder and started kissing his way up my neck.

I had stopped fighting and struggling. There was no need. All I felt was exhaustion and I wanted to shut down for awhile.

"Did Carlisle get a job at a hospital there?" I whispered.

"Yes," he ran his nose along my jaw.

"Are you guys attending High School, again?"

"The others are. My path depends completely on you," he leaned back and looked into my eyes.

We stared at each other for several minutes. He'd break his gaze to kiss me a few times, but I never moved. I never even puckered my lips to offer a kiss back to him. Thoughts were swirling around my head and I didn't want to think.

"Can you let me up?" I whispered almost silently.

He kissed me once more and lifted his body off of mine, lending a hand to help me up.

"Can I take a shower, Edward?" I had already turned my back and was heading up the stairs.

"Of course," he sounded as defeated as I was.

He followed me up the stairs, slowly. I kept my arms folded against my body in a protective stance while he fished out a clean towel for me.

"Take your time. I'll be waiting for you when you get done," he kissed my forehead and turned to leave.

"Edward!" I yelled after him. Suddenly, my heart hit the floor. Wake up, stupid! You can't push him away like that!

"Bella, are you okay?" he was back in the door in half a second.

"I love you," my eyes pleaded with him to believe me.

"Oh, Bella," he rushed to stand in front of me. "I love you, too. I'm sorry about all this. I know it's a lot to process. Just know,…I'm here with you as long as you want me."

I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled into his chest. He rocked me in his arms for awhile before pulling away and turning on the water in the shower.

"I'm going to make you something to eat. Take your time and I'll be downstairs when you're ready," he squeezed my shoulders and walked downstairs.

**(Process Time)**

I stepped into Edward's shower and was met with his manly essence. He scent always made my head swim. Focus, Bella!

Okay, what just happened? Three days ago Edward walked into my life, confessed his undying love, told me he only left because he thought it was better for me, apologized profusely, took me to see his family who missed me too, kissed me senseless, told me he wouldn't pressure me with Jake, told me he'd never leave me again, we fooled around on the couch like a couple of teenagers (well, technically, he still is a teenager), took a nap wrapped in his arms, and then…he told me he had to leave. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE?

Okay, let's back up. He told me he wasn't leaving me…then he told me he had to. Then he told me, again, that he wouldn't leave me. How is that supposed to make me feel? Does he understand how confusing that is?

I can't breathe without Edward. There is no chance that I would survive without him. Now, I know that he said he would stay with me, but would that make him happy? If he had to hide out in a hotel room most of the time, wouldn't that be a miserable life for him to leave. At least if he went to Montana he would have free reign to do as he pleases. I'm sure he'd have more fun hanging out with his brothers all day than in a hotel room by himself.

Wait, why would he have to be by himself? My only job is working at the club and that's open nights. Maybe he could come work for me? Seattle is pretty gloomy and rainy most of the time, so we could do things during the day if the weather permitted. Really, we could spend every moment together.

When would he go home? He would have to go home and visit his family. He would also have to go hunting somewhere around here, which meant that I'd be alone after the club on occasion. If he stayed, Jake would surely stop talking to me and I'm sure he'd have to vent to Samantha who would, in turn, hate me on principal.

So, why couldn't I go with him? Samantha wouldn't miss me. Maybe Jake would buy out my share of the club?

No, no he wouldn't do that. His life is working at the garage. He would never give that up. I'd miss him, too. It's possible that I could have fallen in love with Jacob. I COULD HAVE. Edward has my heart. I hate to break Jacob's, but it comes down to being happy. I've spent so much of that last few years being unhappy that I think I deserve to be a little selfish in my own love life.

So, how do I know that Edward will make me happy and not just break my heart, again? He has confessed his love for me constantly, but how much of that is substantial? I need something else. Something that will prove, through action, that he truly does want to be with me forever.

I want him to change me.

Yeah,…I want him to change me.

There is no doubt in my mind that my life will be 100% complete when I know, for sure, that I'll be spending the rest of eternity with Edward,…right?

No, no…this is what I want.

This is what I want.

I finally moved from the spot I had been standing for the last 15 minutes. I had red blotches all down my chest from the scalding water hitting me like a torpedo. Grabbing a loufa from the towel rod, I put some of Edward's body wash on it and lathered up. Images of Edward showering with this same loufa assaulted my brain and my entire body turned to mush. I moved the loufa down my body and when I brushed it past my pubic bone I moaned. I didn't moan in pleasure, I moaned in pain.

The area that Edward had been deliciously thrusting himself on was sore beyond anything I'd felt down there. Delicately, I brushed my hand over my core and winced in pain as I washed myself. Don't let him know you're in pain. He'll never do it again.

I dressed in the same clothes of Edward's that I had been wearing and went downstairs. I smelled something wonderful in the Cullen's dining room and headed that way.

"Edward it smells wo…," I paused. I couldn't move. The entire dining room was lit in hundreds of candles. Centered in the middle of the room was a table for two with rose petals scattered all around the table. My meal was waiting for me.

"How?…Oh my God, Edward," I still hadn't seen him yet. He walked up behind me and put his strong around me, swaying gently.

"I hope you're hungry, because I slaved away driving the Dante's to buy you a delicious dinner," he smiled into my neck and I bit my lip trying not to laugh.

"How charming," I turned my head and offered a kiss to him. "Edward this looks amazing. Thank you so much for doing this. I can't believe you got this done so quickly. How did you get into town and back so quickly?"

"Vampire," he smiled at me. "Besides, you were in the shower for 45 minutes. I left a note for you not to panic that I went to get you food, but I beat you back."

He kissed my neck and walked over to my chair, pulling it out for me.

"I feel so underdressed for this. I look ridiculous. Maybe I should go upstairs and at least do something with my hair," I smoothed my wet hair and looked down at Edward's clothes.

"You look stunning. In fact, seeing you in my clothes does very little to my resolve. Very, very sexy, Bella," he smiled shyly at me. If he were human, he would be blushing. "Now, sit…eat…enjoy."

My face was completely flushed as I moved towards him and took my seat. I picked up my fork and he poured me a glass of wine before taking his seat across from me. I took a bite of my salad and it tasted divine.

"Mmm," I felt my eyes roll back in my head as I chewed my food. Food had been the last thing on my mind, but once I tasted it I realized that I was starving.

"Mmm," my eyes slowly lifted to the noise I heard across the table. Edward's eyes were focused on my mouth and his mouth was hanging open.

The look he was giving me was smoldering. That one stare shot a tingly sensation down my belly and it stirred in my core. I sucked in a breath and took another bite, savoring the taste. I closed my eyes, trying to avoid Edward's stare, and swallowed. When I opened them again he was slouching further in his chair and looking right into my eyes.

"Taste good?" His voice was low and husky.

Flirt! Flirt with him!

"Just about the best thing I've ever tasted," I took another bite and chewed slowly keeping eye contact.

"Just about?" He questioned, never blinking or turning away from me.

"MmmHmm," I winked at him, stunning myself by my own sexuality.

"And," he cleared his throat. "what would be the best thing you've ever tasted?"

"It's um,…not what's in my mouth," I swallowed my small bite and looked up at him. "It's what's in your mouth."

He audibly groaned and it sent a new rush of wetness between my legs.

"Edward?" I dropped my fork, loudly.

"Yes, Bella?" His breathing was deep.

"I think I'm full," I sucked in a breath. It was taking everything in me not to crawl across the table and tear his clothes off.

"I bought you desert if you'd like," he licked his lips and looked at mine.

"No, thank you, maybe later," I licked my lips right back.

"Is there anything else I can get for you, Bella?" his lips turned into a slight smile.

I "hmm'ed", got up from my chair, and started to clear my plate.

"No, no. You sit, I'll clean this up. When you've decided what you want, let me know," he kept that sly smirk on his face as he grabbed my dishes and took them into the kitchen.

**(EPOV)**

She was driving me CRAZY!!

I threw the dishes in the trash (I only bought one set for tonight, anyway) and leaned on the counter trying to shake myself out of this mood I was in.

This afternoon had been wonderful, but I felt like I should apologize for what I did to her. I practically begged her to touch me. What kind of a gentleman begs a woman to make him cum?

UUUGGGGHHHH!! APOLOGIZE TO HER!!

I'd resorted to physical pain and started hitting myself in the head and pulling at my hair.

The thing is, Bella has blossomed into a sexy, semi-confident, beautiful woman and I was itching to devour her. She no longer had to answer to her father, or ask permission for anything, or try to figure herself out. No, she's Isabella Swan…and she's mine!

I paced back and forth behind the island and tried to calm my hormones and keep them in check. The way she was licking her lips was maddening. When did she become such a seductress?

"Oh, Edward?" I heard her teasing voice coming from the dining room and it pulled me.

I walked through the kitchen door into the dining room and stopped dead in my tracks. There, lying on the table, was my Bella lying on her stomach, naked, with a sheet draped over her. Her feet were in the air and her head was laying on her arms. She wore the sexiest grin on her face.

"Isabella…," my eyes drifted over her silhouette. The name 'Bella' wasn't appropriate for this vixen tempting me before my very eyes. 'Isabella' was a sexy, grown-up name. Perfect.

"What are you doing, sweet girl?" the words left my mouth in a rush.

"My muscles are a little sore from my nap on the couch, today. You asked me what else you could get me…so…I'd like a massage. Do you mind?" She lifted herself onto her elbows and the sheet slipped down her back, giving me a delicious side view of her upper-torso area.

Sweet Jesus!

I couldn't move. I was frozen, literally.

"Um,…you don't have to. I just thought…Well, the way you were looking at me earlier,…and all the candles….I just….," I watched her face blush and embarrassment took over. She really was adorable when she was flushed. She thought I didn't want her? That's laughable!

"No-no," I rushed to her side and tilted her chin up so her eyes could meet mine. As much as I wanted to look down, her eyes held me captive. "You just took me by surprise is all. A massage?" I tilted my head to the side, inquisitively.

"If that's okay?" the look on her face was worry.

"Anything you ask, my love," I kissed her forehead and tore myself away from her lips.

I climbed on the table and straddled her waist. It was clear that she truly was bare beneath that miniscule sheet. I wasn't even sure where she had gotten it from. We weren't exactly completely unpacked here and finding a sheet from a bed that none of us used seemed impossible.

"Hmm, where should I begin?" I mused.

She reached under the sheet and pulled out a bottle of massage oil.

How did she…?

I grabbed the bottle from her and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Isabella, were planning on seducing me tonight?"

I ran my nose along the shell of her ear and made her shiver.

"Actually, I carry it in my purse because it keeps my hands moisturized better than any other lotion. The cold weather dries out my skin. It just came in handy tonight," she glanced back at me and smiled.

"Well, I'm glad you had it," I kissed her neck and sat back in my position.

I folded the sheet down further so that is rest just above her perfect, perfect, ass. My breath whooshed out of my body and I slid my hands up her back and over her shoulders.

"Tell me if I'm being too rough. I don't want to hurt you," I rubbed circles on her shoulder blades before opening up the bottle of massage oil and rubbing my hands together.

"The rougher the better," she moaned and wiggled her hips.

That tiny wiggle was the last straw holding my hormones in check and Little Edward was standing at full attention just above her shaking hips.

"Easy, Love, you have no idea how rough I can be," I applied more pressure and slid my hands down her sides and back up to her shoulders.

"Mmm, that feels good," she took a deep breath and when she exhaled her back cracked.

"Oh My God! Bella, are you okay?" I wrenched my hands off of her body and help them at a surrendering position. Cracking bones can't be a good thing. What did I do?

I thought I felt my heart start beating again in my frantic craze, but calmed considerably when I heard her giggling.

"What, may I ask, is so funny?" I laughed back with her.

"It's okay for my bones to crack when you're giving me a massage, Edward. I actually feel much better since they did," she continued laughing at my expense.

"Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" I tickled her sides, holding her hips in place with my legs. Her laughing increased ten-fold.

"Stop! Hahaha! Stop, Edward!!! I hate being tickled!" She squirmed below me. .

"It doesn't look like you hate it," I continued my antics. "In fact, you seem to be having a great time."

"No, no! OW! OW!" I jumped off the table immediately and assessed her body.

"See, I told you I couldn't be trusted!" I brushed my fingertips against her side and I heard her laugh again.

"You're so gullible, Edward," She smiled at and giggled. Suddenly, I felt like my entire world made sense. The events of my life were all part of some cosmic plan to bring me to this point in my life; this pivotal point in my life.

She was so incredibly beautiful smiling up at me. Her smile reached her ears and her laugh was better than any music I had filed away in boxes or ever composed on my piano. This woman was what my life was all about. I was born and then reborn to find her. As much as I hate to admit it, leaving her was what it took for me to see it. My body would implode if she wasn't near me. She's mine. She will always be mine. Always. Forever….

As I stared at her, that gorgeous face relaxed and her eyebrows pulled together in question.

"Edward, are you…," I cut her off with a fierce kiss.

I stood at the side of the table and pulled her near me, turning her body over in the process. Her chest and flat stomach were exposed, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her chocolate brown ones. Leaning in, I kept my eyes open as my mouth connected with hers in a slower, tender kiss. She hummed into the kiss wrapped her fingers in my hair. Bella's eyes were locked on mine the entire kiss, without a blink.

Please, feel how much I love you, Bella. Please! There are only so many words to describe this love, so…you have to feel it from me. Feel it, Bella…

I cupped her face with my hand caressed her cheek. Every touch that I gave her released a small whimper out of her throat. My hands slid down on it's own accord to her neck and I could feel the blood pulsing through her veins. That blood…it was my undoing before. It scared me. Now,…I see it as a gift. Perhaps that makes me s masochist, but I don't care. Lying beneath her skin is the path to an eternal life with Bella. She could be mine for eternity. One hundred years is really just a short time to be alone when I could have the rest of eternity with this wonderful woman. It would be so great…

I lingered on her neck before dipping down to her collarbone and tracing it softly with my fingertips.

"Touch me," she groaned against my lips and finally closed her eyes. I could tell she was embarrassed by asking.

"I am touching you, Isabella," I slid my hand down her side and circled her hip bone.

"No,…touch me!" She grabbed my hand in hers and pulled it back up her body to caress her breast. She fit perfectly in my hand. Her body was made to fit mine.

"Oh, you're so soft," I lightly caressed her and grazed my thumb across her nipple, making her jump.

My lips trailed to her jaw, spreading scattered kisses all along her flesh while she squirmed underneath my touch. It didn't escape my attention that her hips were gyrating off the table. She had touched me so intimately earlier, it was only fair that I returned the favor.

In a flash, I was on the table and lying between her legs. Her eyes were heavy and her hands were scratching down my chest.

"Take this off," she pulled at my shirt and I ripped it off in a flash.

"Isabella, you should stop me," I balanced on my left hand and slid my right hand down the center of her body.

"I don't want you to stop. I want you to love me," she brought my hand back to her breast.

"I do love you," I leaned down and kissed a trail down her neck and sternum.

"No, make love to me, Edward," her eyes were closed again when I looked up at her.

God, yes, I want to make love to you. I'd worship your body until you were begging me to give you what your body is longing for.

No, we can't make love here. Not like this. Not after only being back in her life for three days.

"Not tonight, Isabella," I drug my lips across her flesh and circled her nipple with my tongue.

"Ugh," she bit her lip. "Edward, I want it. I've only ever wanted you. This ache is killing me and you're the only person who can help me."

Her hips were thrusting into mine. She brought her legs up and wrapped them around my waist, successfully dropping the sheet to only cover her sex. Those naked legs were wrapped around me. Those naked legs are wrapped around me!

"You're so tempting, Bella. Let me," she pulled her hips against mine and the animal in me let out a loud groan. "Let me take the edge off for you."

"Edward," she whimpered and continued to thrust up into me.

"Bella," I pushed her hips back down to the table and attacked her nipple, again. I swirled my tongue around it and lightly nipped at her with my lips covering my teeth.

"I don't want to be a charity case," she was arguing but her hands were wrapped in my hair, pulling me closer. "I thought you'd want it, too."

"Oh, Love," I looked up at her and slid the sheet completely off her body. "I want to make love to you. It's been on my mind since I saw you. Hell, it's been on my mind since I met you." I trailed down her stomach and ran my hand down her bare,…Dear God!…her bare sex and palmed her in my hand.

"I want to make love to you, but not here. You deserve better than a dining table," I slid a finger through her folds discovering just how wet she was for me.

"This is perfect, Edward. Mmm, that feels so good," she arched her back and pushed against my hand.

"You at least deserve a bed, romance,…a honeymoon, Isabella. You've waited this long. Shouldn't you wait until your wedding day?" I continued to lathe her other nipple while my finger found her sensitive button and made slow circles.

"Ohh, yes!" Her hips were flying off the table against me. "I wasn't waiting for marriage, Edward, I was waiting for you. UGGGHH!!! Don't stop! Please, don't stop!"

Bella's hands were frantically pulling the button on my jeans and pushing them down my hips. I hadn't bothered putting my boxer-briefs back on after this morning, so she was met with my throbbing erection practically springing forward into her hand. My pressure on her clit doubled when she took me into her hand and start stroking me.

"Ugh, Bella…you're distracting me. I want to make this good for you," I lay my head in the middle of her chest.

"You are! Faster, Edward!" The fast my fingers circled her clit, the faster she pumped me in her hand. Her head was thrashing about and the moans escaping her mouth were like a drug to me. I needed to hear them.

"Isabella, you're going to make me come. Please, stop. I need you to orgasm, love. Please!" I was the one begging, again.

"Keep talking! I love hearing you like this," she slowed her hand but only slightly. I still felt like I was teetering on the edge.

"Um,…" I laughed nervously, distracted by what to say. "I don't really know what to say. I've never done this before."

"Mmm,…I want you inside me, Edward. Please, put your fingers inside me!" I could barely see those beautiful eyes behind her heavy lids.

I captured her lips with mine for another searing kiss as I explored her sex. I felt the heat radiating from her core and wanted to plunge my fingers into her, but knew I had to take it slow or I'd hurt her.

Always her safety, first. Always. Put her pleasure before you own you caveman!

"Please, Edward!" Her hips thrust against me and I slipped a long finger inside of her. "Uuuggghhh!!!"

I kept still and let her adjust. I wasn't sure how much experience she had with this type of physical love, but I was slowing down on my own behalf, too.

"You look so sexy coming undone," I kissed her, again and let her hips left themselves towards my hand. She was successfully making love to my hand and it drove me crazy.

"I need you to move. I need you to take control. I…I….Please?" She almost looked like she was in pain. I can't have that!

I started thrusting one finger in and out of her while rubbing my palm against her clit. This was all trial and error. Truly, I had no idea what I was doing. I was almost regretting not listening in on more intimate thoughts from others during my long life. What I did know, was that she felt so good around me.

"Ugh, Isabella, you're so warm and so Goddamn tight around me," I dropped my lips to her neck and started sucking lightly on her pulse point, taking great care in not going too far.

"It feels good! And, you feel good in my hand, too. Mmmm!!! Did I do this to you?" She started pumping me harder and faster.

"Christ! Yes! Yes, you did it!" I could help but start thrusting into her hand. She felt so damn good around me. "And, am I the only one who can make you this wet? You smell so good when you're turned on. Sometime soon, I wanna taste your sweet,…UGGHHH, Bella!! I..I…"

I'd fallen apart completely. My hand was moving at vampire speed to help her obtain her orgasm before mine completely shattered my body.

"Come for me, Isabella! Now! I need you to! You're so good at what you're doing to me!" I leaned my head down and sucked one of her nipples into my mouth.

That's what did her in.

"Yes!!!!! Uuuggghhh!!!! Oh my God, Edward!" Her back was arched so far off the table that it almost looked like she had elevated. Her hand had stilled on my cock, so I covered her hand with mine and mimicked the movements she was making, completely falling apart, myself.

"That's it, Isabella! Uugghh!! I'm coming!" I still our hands and cold streams of liquid landed on Bella's stomach and chest.

Our moans continued to fill the room as we both held still in our positions; hands still on each other.

Lazily, I kissed Bella's swollen lips and laid down beside her. Neither of us said anything to each other before she rolled to her side and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled the sheet up around us and let her relax.

"I can't live in a world where you don't exist, Edward," it was barely a whisper, but I heard it.

"I can't live without you, either. We'll figure this out. I love you, Bella," I kissed the stop of her head. "Do you want to move to the couch?"

This table can't be comfortable for her.

"No, just hold me," she pulled me tighter and yawned. "Thank you for tonight."

"Shh, don't thank me, love. Sleep now. We'll talk more in the morning."

I have a long night of thinking ahead of me.

****I'm not proof-reading this so I hope it turned out okay. Just leave me a little review and let me know how you think things are progressing so far. I know it seems fast, but…he's Edward. You know things won't go THAT fast.****

**~Much Love~**

**Mae**


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